I Surrender
by darkaccalia520
Summary: A Kristin and Nathan romance. After the first tour ends, what happens that Kristin must leave? AU. ALTERED TO COMPLY WITH SITE RULES. *COMPLETE*
1. Foolish Games

**A/N: OK, first, I do not want any readers to think that I am abandoning my current story-quite the opposite actually. However, I had this brainstorm for a new story, and I do not want to lose any of my ideas if I wait. Therefore, I am breaking my own cardinal rule by only doing one story at a time. I hope you can bear with me. Plus, I realize that not everyone is reading my current story, being that it has an M rating. Therefore, this is something that everyone can read. It is set after A Higher Power. As you may know, I like to fill in the holes of what we don't know, so this explains why Kristin had to leave. I hope you enjoy it. Please review if you are reading this. I greatly appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: SeaQuest DSV and its characters are not my creation. They are the creation of Rockne S. O'Bannon as a 1990's television series. This work of fanfiction is for entertainment purposes only and is not for financial gain. I am just borrowing the characters for a bit and promise to return them unharmed and in their original condition, maybe just a bit happier.**

**Chapter 1**

Nathan Bridger had just lost his dream, and it was killing him. The first tour was over, although not in a way anyone expected. It wasn't just going to be a few months off now; as far as anyone knew, the seaQuest was over. The UEO had put all the crew members up in a hotel until they returned to their homes, and the crew remaining crew members, mostly senior staff, had rented out a local restaurant for a going away party, one last time together before everyone went their separate ways. Nathan tried to pretend like he was having a good time, but it was evident on his face that he wasn't. How could he have a good time when the realization finally hit him that his dream was over?

On the other side of the room sat Kristin Westphalen nursing a glass of wine, watching Nathan silently. She tried to pretend as though she was having a good time as well, but the reality was that the party was actually depressing. And, worst of all, she didn't know how to get close to the man she loved. Finally, after so many months of carrying on a secret love affair with each other, the cat was out of the bag. But, now, she didn't know what to say to comfort him.

She tried to catch his eye all night, hoping that he would notice her and flash that famous Nathan Bridger smile at her, the one that made everything seem alright. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort happened. She watched as other crew members walked up to Nathan, speaking with him, patting him comfortingly on the back, and shaking his hand, as if to thank him and say goodbye.

As the evening dragged on, the numbers in the restaurant started to dwindle. Nathan still would not look in her direction. Kristin found herself feeling hurt; was he intentionally ignoring her? Then, Kristin instantly chastised herself for feeling that way. "Of course not, don't be stupid, he loves you," she thought. As more crew members said their goodbyes to the captain and left, Kristin finally mustered up the courage to go up to him. Maybe he was waiting for her to say goodbye, too?

But, as she walked up to his table, he got up to leave. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and said, "Uh, I'm sorry, I'm just really tired. I'm going back to the hotel to turn in." With that, he left without saying anything else, leaving Kristin feeling dejected. She returned her glass to the bar and left, following Nathan.

"Nathan," she called as she ran after him, but he kept walking, not turning to even look at her. "Nathan, please talk to me."

"Kristin, there's nothing to talk about. The seaQuest is gone; that's it, end of story," Nathan said miserably.

"I know that, and I'm sorry, but it isn't _my_ fault; it isn't _anyone's_ fault," Kristin said.

"Look, Kristin, I'm really not in the mood to argue."

"I'm not trying to argue; I'm trying to understand why you've been ignoring me all night. Nathan,_ please _talk to me," she pleaded again.

Nathan finally stopped in his tracks. "Look, I've been trying to get over the fact that my boat is gone. Excuse me if I'm dealing with a little bit of baggage right now."

"And you think it's not affecting _me_ in any way, that it's not _affecting_ the rest of the crew? Don't you think I know how you feel? I think that after yesterday, we need to realize life is way too short to worry about the past. There's only us, right here, right now," Kristin said, almost on the verge of tears, "Don't throw that away; don't push _me_ away."

Nathan sighed. He wasn't trying to push her away, but he didn't know what the future held for them, as far as a couple. And, he didn't want to think about it or deal with it at the moment. He didn't want to meet her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes with all the questions in them, the questions he couldn't answer right now. Those eyes had tears in them right now, and he couldn't stop those tears from flowing right now. For once, Nathan Bridger could not be the savior.

"Look, I'm sorry; we'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night." With that, he continued walking back to the hotel, leaving Kristin crying on the sidewalk.

The next morning, Nathan knocked on Kristin's room door. He knew he'd acted like a jerk the night before; he was just really upset. That sounded like a poor excuse, he knew. He just hoped and prayed that Kristin would forgive him. He didn't want to lose her.

He waited patiently for her to open the door. When he did not receive an immediate response, he began to worry. Had Kristin checked out and left? Was he too late? He knocked once more, a little louder. He waited a few minutes more, but still nothing. He turned to head back to his room, figuring he had blown it. As he started walking, he heard the door open behind him.

"Nathan?" came Kristin's melodic voice.

Nathan turned back to her. She was dressed in a robe, her hair wet. "I'm sorry; I was in the shower," she said.

Nathan nodded, but said nothing. "Would you like to come in?" she asked as she stepped back from the door to allow him access.

Nathan obliged as she shut the door behind him. She looked at him expectantly.

"Uh, so...," Nathan began, unsure of how to begin. He waited for Kristin to break in, but she just waited, so he continued, "Look, K-Kristin, I'm really sorry about how I treated you last night. I acted like a jerk."

"Is that it?" Kristin asked.

"Well, I hope you'll forgive me. I was just having a hard time dealing with it, and I guess I took it out on you. Can you give me another chance?" Nathan gave Kristin a look that showed his sincerity.

Kristin sighed. Nathan had hurt her, quite deeply actually, but she decided to forgive him. Neither of them would benefit from a break-up at the moment. "Nathan, you really hurt me," she said, "In fact, I didn't know what this meant for us." She paused to see if he was going to say anything, but he just waited patiently with a very worried look on his face. After a few moments, she decided that she'd made him suffer enough, "But, if you can prove to me what this will mean for _us_, I'll give you another chance."

Nathan wrapped her in a hug. "Thank you, oh, thank you, Baby. I'm going to prove to you that you're everything to me. Just because there's no seaQuest doesn't mean that we have to end."

Kristin squeezed him back, fresh tears stinging her eyes. Nathan heard her small whimpers and pulled her back to look at her.

"Kristin?" he asked with his voice laced with concern, "What's the matter?"

Kristin wiped her eyes, "Happy tears," she assured him.

"Did you really think I was going to break up with you?"

"I admit I wasn't sure. You seemed so upset last night," Kristin explained.

Nathan felt so guilty that he'd made Kristin feel that way. He drew her to him and kissed her passionately, trying to show her how very much in love with her he truly was. Kristin returned the kiss, melting into Nathan's arms. After several minutes, they were both gasping for breath, as Nathan broke the kiss.

"Now are you sure?" he asked, breathing hard.

Kristin was breathing just as hard. "Getting there," she answered coyly.

"Getting there?" Nathan said with mock anger, "I'll show you," he said.

"Do your worst," Kristin said huskily.

Nathan obliged by picking her up and carrying her to the bed; he made sure she didn't doubt his affections.

After spending the morning in bed with her, he asked, "_Now_ are you sure?"

She kissed him passionately and answered, "Yes."

"I thought you'd see it my way."

Kristin nodded and cuddled up next to him. She decided to finally ask the question weighing on her mind. "So what happens now?"

"Well, now we get something to eat; I'm starving."

"No, I mean, what are you going to do now? What are your plans?"

"Oh," Nathan said, "Well, I'm going build a new seaQuest, with the UEO's approval of course. I've already promised Lucas he could stay with me for the summer and help with the plans. I think we are going to need a good woman to keep us in line," Nathan hinted.

Kristin wanted nothing more than to take him up on his offer, but she had wanted to spend the summer with her daughter in England. "Nathan, I can't. I have a sixteen-year old daughter, you know."

"Well, she's invited, too. I haven't seen her for a long time, and Lucas would love to spend more time with her. You know they hit it off the last time they saw each other. I think they have a thing for each other."

"Do you really want to be chaperoning two love sick teenagers all summer?" Kristin asked.

"If they'll chaperone two love sick adults," Nathan answered.

Kristin laughed. "Alright, we'll join you. I'm sure Jasmine would be thrilled to spend the summer in the states."

"So this means you're going to be CMO on the next seaQuest?"

"If you'll have me."

"Always," came Nathan's answered as he kissed her passionately once again.


	2. Landslide

**Chapter 2**

A week later, Nathan, Kristin, Lucas, and Jasmine were all staying at Nathan's house in New Cape Quest. Nathan couldn't have been happier. He had his beautiful girlfriend, her lovely daughter, and the young man whom he desperately wished was his own son. Although perhaps not the most ideal family, it was a family nonetheless, something Nathan found with his crew of the seaQuest. And, having lost that last week, having these people around him made him realize the future was bright and that he would have his submarine family once again.

As rooms were chosen and bags were unpacked, Nathan placed an arm around Kristin. "See, I told you this would work out."

"You did," and it was a good idea, "Jasmine is really excited to be here, you know."

"When was she in the states last?" Nathan asked.

"Well, she just visited Cynthia a few months ago. You know that she is in California now working on building a school for the refugee children." Nathan nodded, and she continued, "And she visited her father and his wife in Nevada last year. She didn't have the best time."

Nathan nodded with understanding. He knew Jasmine did not get along very well with her father. "Well, we'll just have to make sure she does have a great time here."

Kristin was about to answer, but the sound of laughter from the other room interrupted. "I think she's already doing that." With that, she and Nathan went to check on the two teens to make sure they weren't having too much fun.

Lucas noticed them in the doorway first, "Yes, everything's fine in here," he said. "We're behaving ourselves," he added with a hint of sarcasm.

"No one said you weren't," Nathan said.

"Really, Uncle Nathan, I want to thank you so much for inviting Mom and me for the summer. This is a dream come true, being on the ocean," Jasmine said in a melodic British tone that mimicked her mother's.

"You're welcome, Jasmine, but I really want you just to call me Nathan now...now that I'm dating your mother," Nathan said gently.

"I'm sorry, Unc-, I mean, Nathan. Old habits die hard, you know," she explained.

"It's alright," Nathan said, "I just want you to feel comfortable here. So, do you kids want to check out the beach?"

They nodded, and they all went down to the beach. Lucas was happy that Darwin was already waiting for them. He and Jasmine played in the water with the dolphin while Kristin and Nathan snuggled on the beach, watching and laughing.

"Feel like going for a swim?" Nathan asked her.

Kristin shook her head. "I'm actually a little tired."

"Are you feeling OK?" Nathan asked.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine," she assured him.

"That's good. I certainly don't want you getting sick," Nathan said, "Do you want to go lie down for a nap?"

Kristin looked towards the water with a look that told Nathan that she did but didn't want to leave the kids alone.

"Don't worry; I'll make sure they stay out of trouble," Nathan told her. "You go upstairs and rest. I'll wake you later if you sleep too long."

She gave Nathan a kiss on the cheek. "See you later," she said.

Nathan flashed her a smile and went to join the kids in the water.

Kristin went upstairs to rest. She couldn't believe how tired she was lately. With these thoughts, she fell into a deep sleep.

She woke up to the sound of Nathan calling her name gently.

"Kristin, Kristin, wake up, Honey," he said as he shook her awake.

"Hmmm," Kristin mumbled sleepily as she opened her eyes, squinting at the light Nathan had turned on.

"Are you going to sleep through dinner too?" Nathan asked her.

"What do you mean?" Kristin asked him.

"I mean it's 6:00-PM. We're hungry, and we're wondering if you are going to eat dinner with us. You must have been really tired."

Kristin nodded. "I can't believe I slept all day." She yawned, "I feel like I could sleep for another three days, honestly."

Nathan looked at her with concern. "Are you sure you're not getting sick?"

"Nathan, I'm a doctor. I should know if I'm getting sick or not. I'm just catching up on some much-needed sleep, I guess." She got up and walked to the bathroom to freshen up. "And, yes, I'm eating dinner with you," she called.

"Doctors also make the worst patients," Nathan called back to her. As she came back into the bedroom looking more refreshed, he grabbed her arm gently. "Kristin, I'm serious. If you really think you're getting sick, you need to be checked out."

Kristin looked at him in disbelief. Was she feeling sick? She told herself of course not, she was just tired. It meant nothing. People get tired all the time. But, then, she knew that illness was a sensitive subject with Nathan considering how he'd lost his wife.

"Kristin, I just don't want to lose you," Nathan said, wrapping her in a hug.

"Nathan, that won't happen. I'm fine. But, I promise that if I keep feeling tired, I'll see a doctor, OK?"

Nathan was satisfied with this answer. He gave her a kiss, which Kristin returned gratefully. "Let's go eat; the kids have probably started without us," Nathan said.

A few days later, Kristin was still feeling more exhausted than ever, no matter how much sleep she got. What's more is she started feeling sick to her stomach. She had a problem keeping food down. After vomiting in the bathroom one morning, Nathan approached her about going to the doctor again.

"Kristin, it's been a few days, and you're not getting any better. I think it's time you-"

"Nathan, I'm fine," Kristin interrupted him, "It's just a touch of the flu."

"That's what Carol thought," Nathan said miserably, certainly not happy with Kristin's stubbornness.

Despite her fatigue, Kristin felt her blood boil, "Would you stop comparing me to Carol? I am not her, and I am not going to-" Kristin's thoughts were cut short as she fell into a dead faint.

Nathan immediately rushed to her side. A few moments later, Kristin awoke with Nathan mopping her forehead with a damp cloth. "Are you alright?," Nathan asked her.

Kristin was confused. "Y-yes, I think so. What happened?"

"You fainted, Sweetheart. Look, I don't want to argue, but I think-" Nathan paused as a sudden thought came to him, and he started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Kristin asked, annoyed.

Nathan tried to stifle his chuckles, "I-I'm sorry, Honey. It's just that I think I know what's wrong with you."

Kristin was confused. "And it's something to laugh about?"

Nathan helped her sit up. "Think about it, Kristin. You've been tired, so tired you feel like you can't get enough sleep. You get sick, especially in the morning. And, now the fainting..." Kristin was still confused. "Come on, Kristin, you're the doctor here. Don't you know what I'm hinting at?"

Kristin shook her head. She really had no idea.

"You're pregnant!" Nathan shouted happily.

"And you're crazy. You don't need to shout it. What would Lucas and Jasmine say if they heard you? And, a baby? At my age?" Kristin said doubtfully.

"It's not impossible though, is it?"

Kristin shook her head. Nathan was right about that.

"Have you been late?"

Kristin nodded. "I just thought it was stress...or maybe even menopause. I just never thought that I'd be pregnant."

Nathan caressed her stomach gently. "Hello, Little One, I'm your Daddy," he whispered.

Kristin still wasn't convinced. She gently brushed his hand away. "Nathan you need to understand; this could be a false alarm. Don't go saying anything to anyone until we know for sure."

"As long as you'll make a doctor's appointment."

"Agreed."

A few more days went by. Nathan and Kristin never let on to the kids what may be going on, but when they were alone, Nathan was a doting, would be father. He caressed Kristin's tummy and talked to what he believed to be a baby.

Kristin began to wonder that maybe Nathan was right. Maybe she was going to have a baby.


	3. Don't Waste Your Heart

**A/N: I suppose I should have mentioned that this story follows the history of Never is a Promise. If you don't want to read it, here is a quick summary of it. Basically, Kristin and Nathan knew each other some twenty years before the first seaQuest. They are friends who have an affair of the heart. After they are separated by certain circumstances, they lose all contact after the death of Nathan's wife. Then, after the first seaQuest was built, they find each other again as we saw in To Be or Not to Be, with a few other scenes which I added. Also, Kristin has a second daughter, from Never is a Promise, named Jasmine who attends a private all-girls school in England. **

**The current story will get into the second season, so Wendy will be in it. Everything else from the first and second season will have happened as canon except the Hyperion Incident. Therefore, I suppose this story is AU. Sorry I didn't clear this up earlier. Thank you for reading. **

**Chapter 3**

Nathan began working with the UEO to build the second seaQuest; therefore, Lucas and Nathan were gone most of the days now. Kristin was supposed to begin working at the New Cape Quest medical center until the new seaQuest was built. Jasmine had also taken a job volunteering at the medical center as well; since she wanted to be a doctor as well, Kristin thought it was a wonderful idea. But, now that there may be a baby to think about, Kristin wasn't sure if she should be working. How would it look to have a doctor who can't even stay awake or conscious for very long? She made a doctor's appointment, as she promised. She couldn't wait to confirm that she was pregnant because she started to believe it too. She instinctively caressed her abdomen as the thought about the little life in there.

But, this little life, she thought, was sucking the life out of her. She had absolutely no strength, and she was so exhausted all the time. She didn't remember her other pregnancies being quite so difficult. But, then, she was older now; that would make a difference. But, Nathan noticed the toll it was taking on her body, and he was worried. Kristin's clothes even hung loosely on her because she'd lost weight due to the fact that she was sick all the time.

"Have you made a doctor's appointment yet?" he asked her after he returned home from the base to find Kristin upstairs in the bathroom vomiting, a normal occurrence lately.

"Yes," she said as she was washing her face and started to brush her teeth. When she was finished, she continued, "Dr. Bradley is booked up until next week."

"Maybe you should see another doctor then. What if there's something wrong?" Nathan asked worriedly.

Kristin waved him off, "Nathan, don't you remember anything from when Carol was pregnant?"

Nathan didn't because he had been out to sea, being that he as in the navy. "I wasn't even around for it," he admitted.

"Well, then, you need to understand that pregnant women get sick; they get tired. After the first trimester, things become more normal; you'll see. There's nothing to worry about."

As Kristin laid down on the bed, Nathan asked, "What about work? When do you start?"

"I told them that I needed a couple of weeks before I began working. Until we know for sure, I thought it was best. Besides, this baby is taking away all my strength at the moment. I don't think I'd be a very good doctor this way," she explained through yawns. "I'm sorry; I'm just so tired."

"Have you been taking your pre-natal vitamins?" Nathan asked.

Kristin nodded. Then she rolled over to sleep. Nathan gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll wake you for dinner, alright?"

"Alright," Kristin muttered sleepily. With that, Nathan left the room, still worried but accepting Kristin's explanations for now.

A week later, the day of Kristin's doctor's appointment arrived. As she sat in the waiting room, she couldn't help but feel excited. She was imagining Nathan's face when she told him that she was truly pregnant and how happy he would be. These thoughts were interrupted as the nurse called her name.

After the nurse did her preliminary examination, Kristin waited for the doctor. She was growing impatient, feeling as though he would never come into the room. However, he did after a fifteen minute wait, which seemed like a lifetime to Kristin.

"Hello, Dr. Westphalen. I'm Dr. Bradley," he said as he reached out to shake her hand, "So what seems to be the problem?"

Kristin told him about all her symptoms and that she suspected she might be pregnant.

"Well, we'll have the nurse do a urine pregnancy test and go from there, hmm?"

"Thank you, Doctor," Kristin said.

Kristin waited patiently in the waiting room once again for the results of the test. A short time later, her name was called, and she was brought back into a room.

"If you'll just wait here, the doctor will be with you shortly, OK?" the nurse said.

Kristin nodded, practically flying because she was so happy, expecting the doctor to confirm what she and Nathan had already suspected.

A few moments later, Dr. Bradley arrived. "Um, I'm sorry, Dr. Westphalen, but you're not pregnant."

Kristin's heart sank. "I-I'm not?" she asked in a small voice.

"Again, I'm truly sorry. But, we do need to figure out what is going on here. Obviously, your symptoms are not normal, so we're going to need to run some tests."

Kristin was trying to process everything the doctor was telling her. Not pregnant,_ not pregnant_! How was she going to break the news to Nathan? Kristin was lost in her thoughts when she heard the doctor.

"Doctor? Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Oh, uh, sorry. What did you say?" Kristin asked.

"I said we're going to have you go down to the lab for some blood tests. It's going to be a few days for the results, a week at the most. Don't worry; we'll figure this out."

"Thank you," Kristin mumbled. She sighed, grabbed her purse and followed the nurse to the lab.

Six vials of blood were drawn. Kristin knew the routine, being a doctor herself. They were going to be testing for signs of infection, her white cell count, and signs of any abnormalities. As reality began to set in, she started going through her symptoms in her head. From a doctor's point of view, it could be a number of illnesses. She just hoped it was nothing very serious because, if it was, how in the world would she break it to Nathan? She decided it best not to alarm him at the moment. She wouldn't lie. It would just be a harmless admission until she knew for sure. She was going to have a difficult enough time telling him that he wasn't going to be a father after all.

When Kristin arrived home, Nathan was already waiting for her. He appeared to be fumbling with something in his pocket.

"Hi, Sweetheart," he said as he greeted her, "how did your appointment go?"

"It went fine, but we need to talk. Where are the kids?"

"Down by the water, playing with Darwin. I asked them if they'd give us some time alone."

"Oh," Kristin said as Nathan got down on one knee, "Uh, Nathan, what_ are _you doing?"

Nathan was holding a small velvet ring box in his hand; he opened it to reveal an engagement ring, "Kristin, would you marry me?"

Kristin just stared, her mouth agape. "Uh, Nathan, I-I...uh, we need to talk."

Nathan looked confused. "What do we need to talk about? I love you, and you love me, and we are going to make wonderful parents." Then he thrust the ring towards her, "Just say yes."

"Nathan, I'm not pregnant," Kristin said quietly.

Nathan's face fell. He got up off his knees and ushered Kristin to the couch. Although he was disappointed, he knew that Kristin was feeling just as bad. "Kristin, Sweetheart, do you think that's the only reason I want to marry you?"

Kristin nodded as tears came to her eyes, "It's just that I know how much you wanted this, so _I_ wanted this."

"Kristin, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to show you that I'm committed to you. I want to show the world we are in love," he said as he put an arm around her. "So, please, will you marry me?"

Kristin didn't know what to say. She didn't want to hurt Nathan at all, but she wasn't sure she could marry him, not right now. She had too much going on right now; she didn't need a wedding to plan on top of it. She searched for the right words to explain all this to Nathan.

"Nathan, I-I love you, but..."

Nathan was dejected; he knew that Kristin was going to turn down his offer. Perhaps it was all too soon.

"I'm not saying we won't get married someday; I'm just not quite ready yet," Kristin explained.

"What are you waiting for?" Nathan asked, obviously a little upset.

Kristin sighed. She didn't know how to say it. But her thoughts were interrupted as a thought came to Nathan.

"Wait a minute; if you're not pregnant, what is wrong with you?" Nathan asked, concern now evident in his voice.

"I don't know; they're running tests." Kristin showed Nathan her arm.

"Did they say what it might be?"

Kristin shook her head.

"Well, you're a doctor. What illnesses match up with your symptoms?"

Kristin had wanted to avoid this talk. She didn't want Nathan worrying. How many times had he said, "I don't want to lose you." or "I couldn't bear to lose you."? She couldn't have this conversation right now.

"It's probably something simple, a vitamin deficiency or something," Kristin explained. "They'll call with the results next week. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm really tired. I want to get a nap in before dinner."

With that, Kristin went upstairs, leaving Nathan to wonder why she was acting this way and what could be making her so sick.


	4. Skin

**Chapter 4**

If it were possible, Kristin actually began feeling worse than she had before, and this only caused Nathan to worry more. She kept coming up with excuses to appease him, but he was beginning to see through them. He knew there was something terribly wrong, and so did she. She just didn't want to admit it to herself or to anyone else.

In a week that seemed more like a lifetime, Nathan noticed how frail Kristin had become. He was absolutely terrified that history was repeating itself, but every time he tried to speak to her about it, she waved him off, which worried him even more. Did she know more than she was telling him? Kristin noticed that Nathan was showering more attention on her, attention that she didn't particularly want at the moment. It took all her strength, but she tried to act as though she didn't feel like hell. She forced herself to get out of bed, forced herself to carry on with everyday activities. This only made her feel worse; she didn't want to pretend, but she didn't want Nathan to worry. She just wanted everything to go back to normal. Finally, the doctor called with the results. He asked her to come to the clinic to see him.

Kristin tried to think positive thoughts as she waited in the waiting room, but it wasn't working. She hoped and prayed that it wasn't anything too serious. Finally, her name was called.

The nurse asked, "So, how have you been feeling since the last time you were here?"

"Not very well, actually," Kristin admitted. "Will the doctor be very long?" Kristin wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

"He won't be long; I promise," said the nurse.

With that, she left Kristin alone. Kristin hugged herself, trying to calm her fears. She tried to tell herself that there was nothing to worry about. Being irrational doesn't help anyone.

Soon, Dr. Bradley entered the room. "Hello," he greeted her. He sat down. "Well, we have the results of your blood work. Your blood tests show that your white cell count is elevated; also, your CA 125 levels are higher than normal. So, this is what we're going to do. We're going to start with a pelvic exam and go from there."

Kristin knew that CA 125, was a protein found in the body. She also knew what elevated levels could mean. "Do you think I have cancer?" she asked with concern.

"Kristin, you know that an elevated CA 125 could mean a number of things, including a benign tumor or cyst. I don't think you need to jump to conclusions," Dr. Bradley assured her.

Kristin nodded, and Dr. Bradley performed his examination. "Now, I know you won't like hearing this, but it's going to be a few days for the results...you know that."

Kristin nodded. "Thank you, Doctor." But, his words didn't make her feel any better.

Kristin left the clinic and went home. Since no one else was home, she went upstairs. She laid down on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

She woke up to Nathan calling her name.

"Hi, there," he said, "How are you feeling?"

Kristin sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Alright," she said.

"What did the doctor say?" Nathan asked.

"Um, he said that my white cell count was elevated...and my CA 125," Kristin explained.

"What's that?"

"Protein levels present in the liver and kidneys, also in the uterus and ovaries and other female organs," she explained, "so he did a PAP test, and I should hear from him in a few days."

"So, what do you think this is?" Nathan pressed.

"Nathan, I am not going to diagnose myself," she said.

"I'm not asking you to do that," he said. Then he said quietly, "I just want to know what we're up against here, what to expect."

Kristin felt tears sting her eyes. She was hoping this was some kind of nightmare she would wake up from soon. She didn't want to do this; this was not what she'd signed up for. She swallowed hard, trying to get the lump in her throat to subside before she spoke.

"It could be a number of things, mostly benign," she said, her eyes downcast avoiding his gaze.

"Mostly? So you're saying...you're saying it could be...?" Nathan said, his voice quivering as tears came to his own eyes.

"Nathan, don't worry," Kristin said through her own tears, "the doctor assured me that-"

"Don't worry? _Don't worry_? You expect me to see you like this and not worry? _Why_ didn't you tell me? _Why _didn't you tell Lucas? Have you even said _anything _to your own daughters?," Nathan said, "Jasmine and Lucas aren't blind, you know. They _know_ there's something wrong."

"There might not be anything to tell; I just want to be sure before I-"

"You could have at _least _warned me."

Kristin could hold back her tears no longer; she hadn't meant to be deceptive, but it certainly seemed that way. She was sick and frightened of the outcome, and she didn't want to cause anyone else needless worry if it wasn't necessary.

Nathan didn't want to seem insensitive, but this was really difficult for him. Carol had died suddenly when she got sick, and he couldn't stand to see the same thing happen to Kristin. ''Look, I just can't deal with this right now," he said as he left the room.

The next few days were like torture to Kristin, and they weren't much better for Nathan. Their relationship was strained because of the silent possibility looming over them. Neither wanted to speak of it for fear of making it a reality. Kristin kept pretending everything was alright, especially around Lucas and Jasmine.

Nathan's old feelings of guilt and pain were drudged up, and he couldn't shake them. He loved Kristin; he didn't deny that. He just couldn't handle seeing her suffer, and if their worst fears were confirmed, that would be a given. He tried to be supportive, but he was falling short on that.

Finally, the doctor called. Kristin was grateful that Nathan was at work because, if he hadn't been, he'd probably want to go with her. With the way things were going, she didn't want him hearing any horrible news right now, and she felt it was inevitable. So, again, she drove to the clinic, and waited for her name to be called.

A short time later, the nurse called her name and showed Kristin to a room. "The doctor will be with you shortly," she said with a sweet smile.

Kristin nodded. As she waited, she silently prayed that everything would be alright, that maybe some miracle would happen.

After a short time, Dr. Bradley entered. "Hello there," he said kindly. "Well, Kristin, there's good news and there's bad news."

Kristin took a deep breath.

"The good news is we know what's wrong, and it looks like we've caught it early enough."

Kristin closed her eyes tightly as she listened.

"The bad news is, and I am sorry for this, you have ovarian cancer."


	5. One Last Breath

**Chapter 5**

As Kristin heard these words, the doctor was explaining what to do next, but she didn't hear him. Her head was spinning. Although she suspected the diagnosis, she did not know how damning the words would sound until they were actually said. And what about Nathan? And what about Lucas? What about Cynthia and Jasmine? All these thoughts were running through her head as the doctor spoke. He realized she wasn't listening.

"Excuse me...Kristin?," Dr. Bradley said, "Do you understand what I am saying to you?"

Kristin looked at him blankly.

"I said I want to refer you to an oncologist. I have one in mind that specializes in these types of cancers-Dr. Christina Martin tomorrow." He handed her a piece of paper with an appointment time written on it. "Once you see her, she is going to do an examination with a laproscope. Then, they will decide what kind of treatment is best for you."

Kristin nodded. The doctor handed her several pamphlets on the illness, treatment options, and the like.

Soon after, she was sent home. She walked in the door and came home to an empty house, which she expected. It was still too early for anyone else to be home. Kristin didn't know what to do. How was she going to break the news to Nathan; he would be home shortly. And, then, she'd have to tell the kids as well. Then, another thought came to her, which she hadn't even considered. She'd been so worried about everyone else, but what about her? What about her life? What if she didn't get through this? She began to cry, lost in her own despair.

Nathan and Lucas arrived home a short time later. As soon as they walked in the house, Kristin tried to wipe her tears away so that they wouldn't see, but Nathan noticed.

"Uh, Lucas, could you give us some time alone?" Nathan asked quietly.

"Sure," Lucas said. He quickly went out to the dock to check on Darwin.

Nathan sat next to Kristin. He put an arm around her and pulled her close. Kristin began crying all over again. Nathan pulled her into a tight hug; Kristin didn't have to tell him that her doctor's appointment had not gone well. Although Kristin was distraught, she was grateful for Nathan's support, grateful that he was able to show her he cared. She'd been doubting his affections since he'd found out she could be really sick.

A while later, her sobs subsided. She pulled back to wipe her eyes. Nathan handed her the box of tissues from the end table to blow her nose. When she looked at him, she realized he had been crying as well.

"So, it's that bad?" Nathan asked grimly.

"Um, yeah," Kristin admitted. "Ovarian cancer."

The words hit Nathan like a knife to his heart. He still felt as though he couldn't handle this, couldn't handle watching her suffer. However, he'd made a promise to himself to be supportive if the news was dire. No matter how awful he was feeling, he knew Kristin was feeling much worse. He pulled her into a tight hug again.

"So, what are your options?" Nathan asked, his voice thick due to trying to choke back tears.

"The doctor says that he believes it's been caught early; I have an appointment with an oncologist tomorrow," Kristin said quietly. "Um, once they do some tests and, they'll determine how far it's progressed," she finished, her voice quivering as fresh tears stung her eyes.

Nathan held her for a long time. Then he finally said, "We'll get through this, together."

Kristin pulled away to look at him. "Nathan," she said quietly, "I am so scared. And how am I going to tell the kids?"

"I'll help you," he promised, as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead gently. "I'm scared too," he admitted.

As if on cue, Jasmine arrived home from the hospital. As soon as she saw her mother's face, she knew there was something terribly wrong. "Mom? Nathan? Is everything alright?" she asked, every word laced with concern.

Kristin felt her tears coming again, but Nathan seemed to know this. He said, "Jasmine, Sweetheart, can you go down to the dock and get Lucas? We need to have a talk." Again, he hugged Kristin.

Jasmine was worried but did as she was told. A few moments later, she returned with Lucas, his face showing a look of concern as well.

Nathan released Kristin from his arms, and motioned towards the love seat on the other side of the room. "Why don't you two have a seat," he said gently.

They did as they were asked. "Mom?" Jasmine asked, "What's going on?"

Kristin wiped her eyes and composed herself a bit. She knew they needed to know. "Um, I went to the doctor today, and...and I got some bad news."

Jasmine felt her heart sink; Lucas put an arm around her. In the past few weeks, they'd become quite close.

"What kind of bad news?," Jasmine asked, a lump forming in her throat.

Kristin felt fresh tears coming again, but she blinked them back. "I have ovarian cancer," she said quietly.

Jasmine and Lucas were silent for a moment as the news sunk in. Jasmine began crying as she went over to hug her mother. Lucas felt tears come to his own eyes as well.

It was a sad, emotional afternoon for them all. However, as evening came upon them, it seemed all tears were shed. Kristin began looking at the situation more positively, and everyone followed suit. Although Kristin still had to break the news to her oldest daughter and her parents, she felt solace in the fact that cancer did not necessarily mean a death sentence.

The next day, Nathan went with Kristin to her doctor's appointment. After the procedures the doctor performed, it was determined that Kristin had stage two cancer, meaning that the cancer was in both ovaries and in some of the pelvic fluid. The doctor seemed positive about this, letting both her and Nathan know that this cancer was survivable. The doctor did recommend surgery to remove as much of the cancer as possible. Then, Kristin would need a round of chemotherapy. If everything went as planned, the cancer would be cured.

Nathan and Kristin took all of the information in. Considering how it could be, Kristin felt fairly lucky. She knew that many times, ovarian cancer was not caught until it had progressed further. The earlier it's caught, the better the chances of survival.

Nathan, however, was having a difficult time. He wanted to think positively, but he just kept worrying that he was going to lose the woman he loved to a deadly disease. He just hoped and prayed that would not happen.


	6. No Day But Today

**Chapter 6**

Kristin gave the news to the rest of her family within the days following. Under the circumstances, it was obvious Kristin would not be working at the New Cape Quest Medical Center after all. A week later, Kristin was given surgery to remove as much of the cancer as was possible. After surgery, her body had to heal before she could start chemotherapy. This time of waiting was bittersweet for everyone involved. Although everyone was happy that the cancer was not terribly progressed, the knowledge that it still could take the life of the woman they all loved hung in the backs of all of their minds, especially Nathan's in particular. He tried so very hard to be as supportive and loving as possible, but he found himself treating Kristin as though she was a china doll who could break at any moment.

"Good night, Beautiful," Nathan said to her as they were getting ready for bed the night before she started chemotherapy.

"Are you still going to think I'm beautiful when I lose all my hair?" Kristin asked quietly, her back turned to him.

Nathan gently turned her to face him. "I will always think you are beautiful no matter what. I love you, Kristin."

Kristin said nothing at first but just stared into his eyes searching for some sign of truth. Ever since the discovery of her illness, Nathan treated her so differently, which definitely put a strain on their relationship. She decided that it was the truth. "Nathan," she asked him, "if you love me, and I believe you do, why can't you show me that lately?"

Nathan sighed. "I've been afraid that I was going to...hurt you or something."

"Nathan, I'm not going to break. You don't have to treat me like I'm made of glass."

Nathan wrapped her in a tight hug as he spoke. "I guess that I'm just worried that if we...you know...that something bad will happen to you."

"Nathan," Kristin pulled back to look at him, "just because I'm sick doesn't mean we can't make love. I still have urges, and I know you do too. It's not going to hurt me. What hurts me is that you haven't tried since we found out I was sick. I know lately it's been because of the surgery, and I wasn't allowed. But, we've been allowed to for two weeks now, and you've barely touched me."

"It's not because I haven't wanted to, Sweetheart. God, how I've wanted to! I've just been scared," Nathan explained.

Tears came to Kristin's eyes. "I've been scared too, but we can't dwell on that. There's only us, right here, and right now. I've learned you have to live in the moment through this. I thought that maybe you didn't want me anymore."

"Oh, Baby, quite the opposite."

"Then, show me, please. Nathan, I need this; I need to feel your love," Kristin pleaded.

It pained Nathan to see Kristin this way. He never intended to make her feel unloved during this difficult time, but he was really trying his best to be supportive. It's just that he felt that he was reliving some of the most difficult times in his past, and he had a hard time dealing with it. Kristin had helped him with the loss of Carol and Robert, but he didn't have anyone to help him deal with the possible loss of her. And the thought of what could be killed him inside. But, he decided to listen to her and live in the moment. He couldn't resist the look in her eyes. He kissed her passionately and showed her how much he loved her as though it may be the last time.

The next morning, Nathan, Kristin, Lucas, and Jasmine all went to the hospital for Kristin's first treatment. Although all the side effects had been explained, the oncologist went over them again with the family. Jasmine tried very hard not to cry while her mother was being hooked up to the IV's, but the thought of the hell her mother was going to through in the next nine weeks rushed over her. She quietly excused herself from the room, but Lucas knew what was going on. Since Jasmine had heard the news, she'd been confiding in Lucas, wanting to appear strong for her mother. But at this moment, she lost her strength, so Lucas went to find her. He found her outside the front door, sobbing.

Lucas wrapped his arms around her and hugged her while she cried. It was no secret that Jasmine and Lucas had become quite close and were just a few steps away from dating; if Dr. Westphalen had not been ill, Lucas would have already made his move. But, under the current circumstances, he felt it was poor tact. He just allowed himself to be a very close friend for the time being. After a few minutes, her sobs subsided.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I lost it when I saw them hooking Mom up. Thank you."

Lucas released her so that she could wipe her eyes. "It's alright. I knew what was going on when you left, but I don't think Dr. Westphalen wants you to hide your emotions, you know. I think she knows how hard this is for everyone to see."

Jasmine nodded. "Yes, well, I don't want her feeling guilty for this, and, knowing my mother, she will feel that way. I just hope this works, that she does get better." She didn't have to mention what would happen if her mother did not get better; Lucas already knew.

He put an arm around her shoulders as they went back inside the hospital. "Don't worry; she will. Your mom's a fighter," Lucas said, trying to boost her spirit. "We better go back up before they start wondering where we are."

Jasmine nodded as she and Lucas went back to the room.

The following weeks took a toll on Kristin's body, but everyone had know what to expect from the chemotherapy. Kristin got very sick and weak in the following weeks. Although it was difficult for the everyone to see her this way, Nathan especially had a difficult time. But, he just kept telling himself that Kristin would get better very soon, and they'd be on the new seaQuest in just two months. Everything would go as they'd planned; everything would be all right.

Nathan found himself sharing these thoughts with Kristin one evening.

"You only have seven more treatments before this is over," he said, holding her in his arms as they lay in bed.

Kristin was quiet for a moment. She knew that Nathan obviously had some delusions when it came to her illness. Then she said, "Nathan, you can't get your hopes up," she said as she gently moved out of his arms to sit up and look at him.

"What do you mean, Kristin? The doctor said-"

"The doctor isn't clairvoyant, Darling," Kristin interrupted gently, "They,um, we, as doctors, can only make predictions. Sometimes, our predictions aren't always correct. I just don't want you to think that this will be over in seven weeks because it might not be."

Now it was Nathan's turn to be silent. He wasn't sure what to say. After a few moments, he responded, "We just have to be positive; you _will _get better."

"Nathan, I _am_ trying to be positive, but I'm also a realist. We all know what the outcome could be, and, under the circumstances, I think it's best if you find yourself a new CMO," Kristin said quietly.

Nathan sighed. "Kristin, I don't want a new CMO; I want_ you_."

"Nathan, I know, but it looks like someone had other plans. It's just we can't make any plans like that until this really is over," she said as she noticed the hurt look on Nathan's face. She didn't want to deny him anything, but she had to make him understand. "I am not doing this to hurt you, Nathan."

Nathan nodded, but said nothing, looking extremely disappointed and upset at the same time.

Kristin added, "I can always go to the seaQuest once I'm better."

Nathan just wrapped his arms around her again, but he definitely did not like what he'd heard. And, now he was even more afraid.


	7. Goodbye, Love

_**Chapter 7**_

The next morning, Nathan woke early for work. He and Lucas had a lot to get done, and, now, Nathan was going to need a new CMO, something he did not want to deal with yet. As he came out of the bathroom, he thought he heard crying. He listened for a moment and realized it was coming from the master bedroom.

"Kristin?" he called, "Is everything alright?" he said as he rushed to the room to check.

He found Kristin sitting on the bed crying. He put an arm around her. "What's the matter, Sweetheart? Are you feeling sick?"

Kristin shook her head. "No, my hair," she said through her tears. Up until this moment, she'd been lucky. She hadn't lost any of her hair, and she was hoping she might be one of the lucky few who did not lose their hair in chemotherapy. However, the reality came too quick for her own liking now because she obviously was losing her hair, something she was not quite ready for.

Nathan realized what she meant and kissed her gently. "Shhh," he soothed, "we knew this would probably happen. Remember, I still think you're beautiful."

Kristin just clung to him tightly as she cried. Nathan held her until her sobs subsided.

"Are you alright now?" Nathan asked her.

Kristin nodded, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm being a little vain."

"It's alright, Honey, and you're not being vain. It's just a shock. Look, Lucas and I have to get to the base. I'll call you later. Get lots of rest, OK?"

Kristin nodded.

"I love you," Nathan said as he headed downstairs to make sure Lucas was ready.

"I love you, too," Kristin called back.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

The following weeks were even more difficult for Kristin as she got even sicker from her treatments. But, the good news was the cancer cells were subsiding. But, poor Kristin found it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel because her body was going through hell.

And, Nathan was going through hell watching her deteriorate before his eyes. The new seaQuest was almost complete. How in the world could he leave her this way?

Kristin was lying in bed, as usual, and Nathan went in to check on her. Noticing she was awake, he sat down on the side of the bed.

"Hi, Sweetheart," he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Hi," she said back, although she wasn't as cheery as Nathan would have liked.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Like hell," she said miserably.

Nathan already knew that. He said, "Look, Kristin, you're doing fine. Just a few more weeks, and this will be over."

"Will you quit _saying_ that, Nathan?" Kristin yelled. "I've tried to tell you that it might not be over. You need to understand that."

Nathan was surprised to hear her raise her voice, something she hadn't done in a long time. She hadn't the strength to do so. "I do understand that, Sweetheart," he said gently, "I'm just trying to show you that I believe you will get better; I need to believe that. I just couldn't bear it if..." his voice trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say the words, but Kristin already knew what he was thinking, the silent thoughts he'd been thinking since it started.

Kristin was still angry. "I just cannot_ stand _all this pressure!"

Nathan was still trying to remain calm. "What pressure?" he asked confused.

"Everyone expects _me_ to get better; no one wants me to die," Kristin explained.

"Well, of course not! You don't _want _to die, do you?"

Kristin sighed, "No, I don't want to die, but I certainly want the choice to do so if I want."

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked, obviously confused.

"You and everyone else keeps telling me things like, "chin up; you'll get through this" and "it will all be over soon", especially _you_. And, you are always telling me how you can't bear to lose me. Do you have _any_ idea how that makes me _feel_?" she asked, but didn't wait for an answer as she continued, "It makes me feel like I haven't any choice in the matter." Her voice became thick because she was starting to cry as she spoke, "I am fighting as hard as I can, but I don't know if I _can_ beat this, Nathan. I just don't want to do this anymore. I-", but she didn't finish because she broke down in sobs, her shoulders shaking.

Nathan placed his arms around her, trying to understand her feelings and put his own aside. Had he been making her feel guilty? He was only speaking from his heart, but when he thought about it, it did sound pretty damn selfish of him to keep telling her that he didn't want to lose her. He wasn't giving her the choice, and he felt the pang of guilt hit him as the realization came to him.

When Kristin's sobs had quieted, Nathan said, "Kristin, you're right. I'm sorry; I've been very selfish."

Kristin nodded, but she didn't reply. She suddenly felt waves of nausea wash over her, and she headed to the bathroom because she knew she was going to be sick.

Nathan was immediately at her side when he realized what was happening, but she waved him off.

"Just go," she said, right before she retched.

Nathan stood there helplessly. He didn't know how to handle this anymore; he wanted to be there for Kristin, but he had so much pain from Carol that he didn't seem to be doing much good. After a few moments, he left the room like Kristin asked.

A few hours later, Nathan was worried about Kristin, no longer hearing any noises coming from the bedroom. He quietly walked up the stairs to see that she was alright. She was lying down with her eyes closed. Thinking she was asleep, once Nathan saw she was fine, he started to leave the room.

However, Kristin opened her eyes said, "I'm awake."

Nathan was still unsure how to handle her. "I'm sorry; I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Kristin sat up and said, "Do you _want_ to leave me alone?"

Nathan was getting frustrated. "Kristin, you need to give me some hints here. I'm not sure how to handle this, how to handle you."

"That's kind of the point, Nathan."

"What?"

Kristin sighed. "Nathan, I know how hard this is for you to watch me go through this. I suppose if you were the one who was sick, I'd feel the same way."

Nathan nodded, but said nothing. Kristin continued.

"I've decided that when you and Lucas leave next month, I'll be going back to England with Jasmine to finish my treatments there. I need to be closer to may family...in case," she said.

Nathan was silent. Then he asked, "What does this mean for 'us'?"

Kristin sighed as tears came to her eyes again. "I don't think it means anything right now. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I just think if I love you, I need to let you go," she said through her tears.

"But I don't want to let _you_ go," Nathan pleaded.

"I know," Kristin said, her voice almost a whisper with emotion, "but I think it's for the best. You have to move on in case..." her voice trailed off.

"Kristin, don't talk like that. _Please _don't do this," Nathan said, in tears himself.

"Nathan, this isn't easy for me either. It's just that you need to get on with your life. You need to understand that I might not be part of the plan anymore," Kristin said in tears.

Nathan spent the rest of the night pleading. He and Kristin both did a lot of crying, but, no matter what he said or tried, Kristin would not change her mind.


	8. Never is a Promise

**A/N: OK, I know this story is really sad, and I am not sure how readers are receiving that. I do appreciate reviews, although I am not writing to get reviews. I am writing because I have a story to tell and hope you are listening, or rather reading. I do fear I may have turned some readers off of the story because of the situation I've put the characters in. However, I am using it as a way to fill in the holes of what we don't know, something the writers of the show failed to do. Therefore, I do hope you will give it a chance and bear with me because I do promise it will have a happy ending. Thank you. D**

**Chapter 8**

The last month that everyone was together was a difficult one, especially for Nathan. He did not want to say goodbye. He kept trying to convince Kristin to stay at the house while he and Lucas were on seaQuest.

"You know you're welcome to stay here while Lucas and I are gone," he told her just a week before the second tour began. "Or, maybe I should take a leave of absence," Nathan added quietly.

"You'll do no such thing," Kristin said, somewhat annoyed as this was an ongoing conversation over the weeks. "Nathan, we've been over this; I don't want to explain again."

Nathan nodded, "I know. It's just that I've been thinking that maybe I shouldn't leave you."

"Nathan," Kristin said seriously, "You can't keep trying to save me."

"I'll always try to save you," he said.

Kristin sighed; she walked up behind Nathan and put her arms around him. She whispered gently in his ear, "This is something you can't save me from, and I don't want you to try. You aren't supposed to mess with fate."

Nathan gently removed her arms so that he could turn to face her. He wrapped her in a tight hug, "When it comes to you, I have to. I'll never let you go."

Tears came to Kristin's eyes. She knew that she was hurting Nathan, and she didn't want to. But, since the future was unclear, she felt she had to do it. What is the old saying? If you love someone, you are supposed to let him or her go. And, if it's meant to be, he or she will come back to you. She had to remember that. If she stayed there, she knew Nathan would end up leaving the seaQuest, either temporarily or for good. Even if it were only temporary, she would not allow him to put his life on hold for her. She had to hurt him to save him. If by some unforeseen reason she did end up passing away from the illness, she would be damned if she was going to allow Nathan to wallow in self-pity again on that island of his. She felt the separation would prevent that.

She pushed away from him. "Nathan, I do love you, but you need to understand it's for the best."

Nathan sighed. Kristin had changed so much since the illness, it was almost as though he didn't know her anymore. To Kristin's dismay, he was still debating leaving his position on the seaQuest; but, at the same time, he knew how much that would disappoint Lucas. He didn't want to see Kristin suffer anymore, and that was what she was doing. He didn't like what was going to happen, but he just kept telling himself that once she was better, they'd be together again.

_-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

The last week was bittersweet for all of them. Nathan tried to remain positive. On their last night together, he and Kristin were sitting out on the beach, watching the waves and enjoying each other's company.

He took Kristin's hand and said, "I'm going to miss you, you know."

Kristin nodded, but was silent. She had tried to prepare herself for this moment, the goodbyes, but she couldn't stop the tears that were beginning to flow. She whispered, "Me too."

Nathan gently wiped her tears away and placed a gentle kiss where the tears had been. I'll never love anyone else the way I've loved you," he said, tears coming to his own eyes.

These words caused Kristin's tears to flow freely; Nathan immediately responded by wrapping her in a tight hug as they both cried together. After the tears subsided, they sat together holding each other and watching the waves. Neither of them wanted the evening to end, but, as the evening went on, they both decided they needed sleep. They quietly went upstairs arm in arm, neither of them wanting to say goodbye but both knowing it was necessary.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

The next morning came too fast for their liking, but the time came for packing and goodbyes. Jasmine and Lucas exchanged E-mails and said their goodbyes.

"Good luck at school," Lucas told her.

"I'm not going back to Wendell this term...under the circumstances," Jasmine said.

"Does your mother know?" Lucas asked.

Jasmine shook her head, "Not yet; I thought I'd tell her on the plane. I'm not going to be miles away from her with her being sick. I'll just go the regular public school."

Lucas nodded with understanding. "Well, I promise I'll E-mail you...and we can chat over the Internex. And...maybe we can call each other once in a while?"

Jasmine nodded, getting close to tears. She didn't want to leave either but knew the day would come.

Lucas wrapped her in a tight hug. "We'll see each other soon; I promise I'll visit you on my next leave."

Jasmine wiped her eyes and said, "I'll miss you."

"Me too," Lucas said.

Meanwhile, Nathan and Kristin were saying their goodbyes as well.

Kristin was just finishing her packing when Nathan found her in the bedroom.

"Are you almost ready?" he asked.

Kristin nodded.

Nathan walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Promise we'll talk as often as possible."

"I promise," Kristin whispered, her voice thick with tears.

Nathan held her as long as possible. He wanted to stop time; he wanted to remember that moment as long as possible because the best thing that ever happened to him was about to leave him and possibly never return. He tried to preserve these last moments in his memory so that he would never forget how Kristin smelled, how she felt in his arms, her touch-he didn't want to forget anything.

But, the hands of time kept moving. Soon, the cab pulled up in front of the house. Last minute hugs were exchanged, and that was the last Nathan and Lucas saw of Kristin and Jasmine for quite a long time.


	9. Without You

**Chapter 9**

_Dear Nathan,_

_I'm just letting you know that we've made it to England safely, and we're all settled in. I see a new oncologist on Monday, and I will be continuing with my treatments then. I just want to let you know that I'm being taken care of. _

_I hope that you and Lucas are doing well. Please tell Lucas I'll write him soon-it's just that I'm not feeling very well right now. So, I'll make this short-but, Nathan, you need to make sure you move on. You __**have **__to move on. I'm just not sure what the future holds. I love you so much, and I always will. I hope you know that. But, I think that maybe you need to find someone else because I will not allow you to mourn over me for years the way you did with Carol. I refuse to let you waste your life that way. If you love me, and I know you do, you will honor that wish. Please get on with your life. Maybe one day, we'll be together again. But, right now, we can't be sure of anything. I'll let you know what the doctor says. Until then..._

_Love always,_

_Kristin_

Nathan Bridger found himself going through a slight midlife crisis after reading this. It hurt him deeply, but he did agree with one part of the message-he had to move on, or at least try. He grew a beard and bought a motorcycle, two things he probably never would have done had Kristin been around to tell him 'no'. A couple weeks after she and Jasmine left, Lucas and Nathan prepared for their second tour.

Nathan did his best to try to forget Kristin. After all, he had a boat to run; he couldn't be pining away for a lost love, or at least show that he was. Although some of the old faces from the first crew had returned for the second tour, there were many new faces as well, including his new CMO, Wendy Smith. She was young, much younger than Kristin. In fact, Nathan had dated her mother, Lexington Smith, AKA 'Sexy Lexi'.

But, although Wendy was no Kristin, she was a good doctor. Wendy was unique because she was an empath, a psychic. But, she could feel others' pain, an ability that helped her in diagnosing patients, but also a bit of a curse because non-empaths could never imagine what that was like. And, it was a pain which no one wants to really know.

However, although, on the outside, Nathan was the perfect example of sanity; he had to be. He was the captain, after all. But, after he left the bridge and retired to his room, he became the former lover of Kristin Westphalen, and all the memories came rushing back to him. He was doing what she didn't want him to do, wallowing in his own self-pity for the loss of her love.

Wendy took an instant liking to Nathan right away, although it was evident he had built some protective walls around his heart, she was determined to break them down. It was difficult for her to connect with too many people for they were always worried she was invading their minds. However, Nathan understood what that was like, to a point. He himself had some psi abilities, although they were not as developed as hers. She was infatuated with this man. Did he feel the same way about her?

She could sense he was hiding some deep-rooted pain that he did not want to admit to anyone. But, after the tour began, she and Nathan had become closer. One day, she and Nathan finally made a connection. She asked him about his walls. He told her about Carol and Robert. He debated telling her about Kristin, but opted not to do so, at least not yet. This was still too painful for him, but, as he and Wendy began speaking more, Nathan started to realize that maybe it was time to move on.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

While Nathan found himself stuck between his love for Kristin and his will to go on, Kristin was dealing with her own demons. She basically told Nathan to go away, but it really was not what she wanted. But, she wasn't going to let him watch her die, if that was what was happening. She never told Nathan that her doctor had advised her not to do any traveling. When a person is on chemotherapy, the immune system is weakened. Therefore, crowds are to be avoided. Kristin knew it would be a risk, but she was a stubborn woman. She was going to do what she wanted no matter what she was told. And, she needed to leave. She had justified it both to herself and to Nathan that it was for the best. However, no matter how well she convinced her head that it was the right thing to do, she couldn't convince her heart of the same thing.

She loved Nathan, and it was killing her to be away from him. Not only that, but her health took an even bigger hit because she contracted pneumonia. She became extremely sick. She had promised Nathan that she would write him, but she was too sick to even sit up, let alone write an E-mail or a letter. Jasmine took it upon herself to let Nathan know. Although Kristin never told her to speak with him, Jasmine knew Nathan still loved her mother. And, Nathan had told her to call him anytime if she ever needed to do so.

She dialed the number.

"Captain, you have a call on an external link," O'Neill told him.

Bridger nodded, "I'll take it in my quarters; thank you, Mr. O'Neill."

When Nathan arrived in his quarters, he turned on his vid-link.

"Bridger here."

"Hello, Uncle Nathan," he heard Jasmine's voice.

"Jasmine? Is everything alright?" he asked with concern.

"Mom doesn't know that I'm calling you, but I felt you needed to know," Jasmine explained.

"What's wrong with her?" Nathan asked worriedly.

Jasmine took a deep breath. "She's really sick...pneumonia. She's in the hospital right now."

Nathan shook his head. "What does the doctor say?"

Jasmine swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. She'd told herself she wasn't going to cry. Her voice quivered slightly as she spoke, "Um, right now it's a hit and a miss. He says she has a fifty percent chance right now. She wasn't supposed to be traveling."

"Damn it!" Nathan swore under his breath. Then he remembered that he was speaking with Kristin's daughter; he didn't want to upset her any more than she already was. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Jasmine nodded, trying to hold back her tears.

Nathan said, "I really can't leave right now."

"I'm not asking you to; I just wanted to tell you what was going on. Mom would want that."

Nathan nodded. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I know how hard this is for you."

Nathan watched helplessly as Jasmine's tears began to flow freely with these words. "I'll be in touch," she said through her tears.

"Thank you, Sweetie. Take care of yourself; tell your mother I love her."

"I will. Goodbye," she said as she cut the link.

Nathan sat down. He silently prayed for Kristin, hoping that her body would have the strength to get through this.


	10. Punishment

**Chapter 10**

As if Nathan's prayers had been answered, Kristin's pneumonia did get better. However, with this small victory came some more bad news. Because of the pneumonia, the chemotherapy treatments had to be put on hold temporarily. After the pneumonia was cured, the new oncologist, Dr. Michael Johnson, ran new tests to check that the cancer was being contained, and, unfortunately, it had spread to the abdominal lymph nodes. Therefore, the doctor wanted to treat the cancer a bit more aggressively, which meant more medications and stronger therapies.

Kristin couldn't believe it. How the hell _did_ she get here? She had been a successful, beautiful, middle-aged woman in the prime of her life; she had a good man in her life, and she loved him. And, in just a few short months, this was all taken away. She knew she wasn't supposed to travel, but she felt she had to leave. She knew that if she didn't, Nathan never would have gone to the seaQuest. Now, her only goal was to just survive, and she was falling short on that. She silently debated where she should go from here. Again, she was going to have to hurt everyone she loved by telling them the sad news. If these were her last days on earth, she did not want them to be about her illness. She didn't want her loved ones to focus on the disease; she didn't like to be treated like a china doll. She was so much more than that. Therefore, she made a decision. She opted not to tell them, at least not yet. After the aggressive therapies began, maybe the cancer would be contained. Then, there would be nothing to tell.

Once she was well enough to have visitors, her daughters came to visit.

Cynthia and Jasmine walked into the hospital room with a bouquet of flowers.

Cynthia walked over to Kristin's bedside and gave her mother a gentle hug. "Hi, Mom. How are you?"

she asked.

"Better," came Kristin's reply as she sat up.

"That's good to hear," said Cynthia as Jasmine placed the bouquet of flowers on a table in the room. "These are from everybody," Jasmine said.

"They're lovely; thank you," said Kristin.

Cynthia didn't beat around the bush; she'd wanted to find out what the doctor had said as far as Kristin's health. "So what does the doctor say?" she asked.

Kristin tried to play innocent. "About what?"

"Mom, don't do this. You know perfectly well about what," Jasmine said gently, "Stop trying to protect us."

Tears stung Kristin's eyes, but she didn't want it to show. She swallowed hard, willing them to go away. "It isn't you I'm trying to protect," she said quietly. She took a deep breath, "The doctor says I can go home tomorrow. Then, I'll be starting treatments again the following Monday."

Cynthia said, "Then you're going to be OK?"

Kristin nodded. "I know you're going to have to get back to California; I'll be fine," she assured her daughter.

Cynthia nodded, "I'll actually have to leave this afternoon; but if you are truly going to be OK, I won't feel guilty for leaving."

"You don't have to feel guilty. I'll be fine; I promise. And, your sister and I will be in touch," Kristin said.

Jasmine nodded to reassure her sister of the fact. Kristin noticed how incredibly quiet her youngest daughter was and wondered what the reason may be.

Cynthia and Kristin spoke quietly for a while; then everyone fell silent. Jasmine asked, "Cynnie, do you mind if I spoke with Mom privately?"

"Not at all," Cynthia said. "I need to get back to the hotel to pack anyway." She gave her mother a goodbye hug and kiss and did the same to her sister.

"Call when you get home," Jasmine said to her.

"I will; love you guys," Cynthia said as she left the room.

After Cynthia left, Kristin asked, "So, why are you being so secretive?" She was trying to ask it in a way to keep the mood light.

Jasmine turned to her mother, but she had tears in her eyes. Unlike her sister, she'd been watching Kristin's suffering from the beginning. She also could sense her mother was not being completely truthful. "What did the doctor really say?" she asked through her tears.

Kristin turned her head away; she couldn't stand to see her loved ones hurt, especially her own child. And, she certainly did not want to lie, but the truth would only cause more pain. She held back her own tears as she silently debated what to say.

"Mom?" Jasmine said, "Please tell me."

Kristin took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to flow.

"Mom, I know that you're trying to protect us; I know you. But, you need to understand that you can't keep doing that; we just want the truth."

Kristin knew she was right. "The cancer's spread," she said quietly.

Jasmine went to her mother's bed and hugged her, sobbing.

Kristin held her daughter; as much as it hurt her to see her like this, it felt good to get the secret out. After the tears were shed, Kristin said, "The doctor wants to treat it more aggressively, but he feels that if we start the new treatment, he can get it contained."

Jasmine nodded, wiping away the tears from her cheeks.

Kristin said, "Do you think we can just keep this between us for a while? I'll tell Cynthia myself."

"What about Uncle Nathan?" Jasmine asked.

Kristin sighed, "He doesn't even know I'm in the hospital."

"Yes, he does. I called him," Jasmine said. Since they'd left New Cape Quest, Jasmine and her mother had not spoken of her mother's relationship with Nathan. However, she knew her mother loved him and that Nathan loved her mother. "He has a right to know, Mom. He loves you, and I know you love him."

"What did he say?" Kristin asked.

"He was kind of angry that you didn't listen to the doctor. But, he looked sad; I promised him I'd keep him informed. But, I think that it would sound better coming from you."

Kristin shook her head. "I don't want to talk to him right now."

"Why not, Mom?"

"It's complicated."

"If you don't, I will."

Kristin sighed. She reluctantly conceded, "Alright, I'll call him after I get home."

"Good, and you'd better tell him everything."

"Yes, Mom," Kristin said sarcastically.

"Glad to see you're feeling better, Mom," Jasmine said, smiling. "I love you."

"I love you, too, but you drive a hard bargain."

"I learn from the best."


	11. Til I Can Make It On My Own

**Chapter 11**

After Kristin got back home and settled in, she dialed Nathan's number on the vid-link. A short time later, the call was put through to his quarters.

"Bridger," Nathan said, thinking it was a formal call, not really looking at the screen.

"Hello, Nathan," Kristin said quietly.

Nathan turned his head to look at the face on the screen. He noted she looked thinner and more pale than when he last saw her, but she'd just gotten over pneumonia. "Hello," he said, his formality melting. He wished he could wrap his arms around her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said. "I guess you found out that I did something kind of stupid."

Nathan nodded. "Jasmine told me."

"I guess you're not very happy with me."

Nathan sighed. "I'm not angry, Kristin...just disappointed. I mean, what _were_ you thinking?"

"I was thinking about you."

"About me? You couldn't have been thinking about me because if you were, you wouldn't have put your life in danger like that." Nathan was beginning to get frustrated, and it was beginning to show.

"Nathan, that's not fair," Kristin said. "Look, I know you might not understand, but you know that if I had stayed, you wouldn't be where you are right now."

"What?"

"You'd never have left for the next tour. I know that, and you know that. I wasn't going to let you put your life on hold and watch me..." her voice trailed off.

"You think I'm happier here?" Nathan asked. "Do you think I enjoy seeing you like this, knowing that I can't be there holding your hand, be there to hold you and hug you...just be there? Because if that's what you think, you are sadly mistaken."

Tears stung Kristin's eyes. "I'm not sure what to think, Nathan," her voice quivered as she tried to hold back the tears.

Nathan was a bit more gentle as he spoke. "Look, Kristin, I'm here because I have a duty. And, I'm here because you insisted, and if I'd stayed, I didn't want to there without you. I love you so much."

Kristin's tears were flowing freely now.

"Please don't cry, Sweetheart. I'm sorry I got a little frustrated; I'm just trying to understand."

Kristin nodded. "I know," she said through her tears. She wiped her eyes and willed herself to calm down.

There were a few moments of silence. Nathan finally broke it by asking, "So, what does your doctor say?"

"Um, I start some new, more aggressive therapies on Monday."

"More aggressive?" Nathan asked, "Then that means...?" his voice trailed off.

Kristin nodded, knowing what Nathan meant. "I'm sorry, Nathan," she said.

"It's not your fault, Honey," he said quietly.

There was another short pause of silence.

Then, Kristin asked, "So, how are things going down there?"

"Good...we have a great crew."

"How's Lucas?"

"He's fine; he misses you, but he's taking kindly to Wendy."

"Wendy? That must be your new CMO?"

Nathan nodded. "Sorry; Dr. Wendell Smith, but we all call her Wendy. She isn't you, but she is a good doctor."

Kristin blushed slightly at the complement. "Everyone can be replaced, Nathan. I'm sure she's a wonderful addition to the crew."

"Well, she has big shoes to fill, but she'll do fine."

"Um, maybe she and you will become good friends," Kristin said, but in a suggestive way.

"What are you saying, Kristin?"

"I'm saying to do what you want, what you feel is right. Don't keep holding on to a false hope that I cannot guarantee."

"Kristin, I'll always love you."

"I know that, Nathan. And, I love you, too. But, did falling in love with me change your love for Carol?"

"No," Nathan admitted.

"So, then, you can love someone else again...and it won't change your love for me. I just don't want you to get lost in this."

"In what?"

"The disease; I don't want our time together to be about that. I want it to be about us. Does that make sense?"

Nathan said, "Yes, but it won't stop me from worrying, from wondering."

"I promise I'll be honest with you from now on. If I'm too sick to call you, you know Jasmine or Cynthia will contact you. I love you so much, Nathan. I know you know that. But, I do want you to move on if I get too sick," she said with a slight quiver towards the end.

Nathan sighed sadly. "Are we breaking up?"

"Not exactly; how about we just call it a break?"

"Alright," Nathan agreed. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll call you next week?"

"I'll look forward to it. Take care of yourself."

"I will; Jasmine won't let me do anything around here."

"She's a good kid; stubborn like someone _else_ I know."

"Yes, yes," Kristin said, rolling her eyes a bit. "I get it."

Nathan gave a slight chuckle. "Goodbye, Sweetheart."

"Goodbye."

Neither of them wanted to cut the link, but Kristin finally did. She was extremely tired, even after a week of rest in the hospital.

Nathan stared at the blank screen for a short time silently hoping that it was not the last time he'd ever see her face. Then, he went back to the bridge; he had to go on, like Kristin had asked him to do.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

As the second tour progressed, Nathan and Wendy _did _become closer, and this was not hidden from the rest of the crew. Tony Piccolo found Nathan and Wendy in the hydroponics lab one day in an embrace. This caused rumors, rumors that spread like wildfire on a boat with only a couple hundred crew members.

For Wendy, this was a nightmare. There was a reason she avoided crowds, being a telepath. And, now it seemed as though everybody on seaQuest was thinking about her and Nathan. In fact, it seemed Wendy couldn't escape these thoughts; she felt as though she couldn't breathe. After a few days of this, she called Nathan to the lab on her PAL.

"What can I do for you, Doctor?" Nathan asked when he got to her office.

"Uh, Captain, I wanted to speak with you. Under the current circumstances, I've come to a decision, and I wanted to let you know before anyone else," Wendy said carefully.

"Alright," Nathan said, waiting expectanly.

"I'm really thankful for the opportunity I was given to work on the seaQuest, but I think it's best to resign my position," Wendy explained.

Nathan shook his head. Damn Piccolo! He'd heard the rumors, but didn't know it would affect Wendy like this. "Wendy, please don't do this. I'll talk to Piccolo."

"Captain, it's not just him; maybe the crew just isn't ready for this. Maybe _you _just aren't ready for this."

"Excuse me?"

Wendy sighed. "Captain, I am a telepath and an empath. I can feel a lot of your pain, but I can't sense everything. You have a wall up. Maybe I make you feel threatened?"

Nathan sighed. He didn't want to go into all the details, at least not with Kristin. "I guess it's my late wife. I've just been missing her."

Wendy nodded. "And maybe you see my mother in me?"

"No, I don't. I see _you_. Your mother and I dated over thiry years ago. I can tell you that ship sailed a long time ago, however."

"So you don't feel anything for me?" Wendy asked a little hurt.

Nathan sighed. "Wendy, you are becoming a very dear friend to me, and I am thankful for that. I'd like to keep being your friend. Please say you'll stay."

Wendy thought for a moment. She wanted to leave, for her own sanity, but there was something in Nathan, something she couldn't sense. All that she could sense was that he _did_ need a friend.

"Alright," Wendy agreed.

By the end of the week, the rumors had subsided. Wendy and Nathan were becoming more intimate, but as friends only. Wendy knew there was something holding Nathan back; she also knew that he would confide in her when he was ready.

Kristin had a hard week when it came to her body; the more aggressive treatments made her very ill, but that was to be expected. She wasn't going to fool herself; she knew she missed Nathan. She missed having him around, especially on these sleepless nights. She was so tired but so ill at the same time that sleep was difficult. She silently debated calling him. It was the middle of the night in England, but she didn't know exactly _where_ the seaQuest was at this time. If she called, she might wake him up. But, on the other hand, she knew how he slept-he was often awake during the night.

She hit the vid-link button and dialed Nathan's number; however, she only hit the 'voice only' button. She looked like death warmed over; she wanted to hear Nathan's voice, but didn't want him seeing her this way.

"Bridger," Nathan said. To Kristin's relief, he didn't sound as though he'd been asleep.

"Hello, Nathan."

"Kristin? Why are you on voice only?"

"Because I look like hell; I just needed to talk. I'd rather you didn't see me. Are you busy?"

"Considering it's late at night. We're off the coast of the United States at the moment."

"I'm sorry; were you asleep?" Kristin asked remorsefully.

"No, it's only 10:30." Nathan admitted. "Is everything alright?"

"It's just been a hard week. I've been so sick, and I can't sleep. And, I miss you."

"I miss you, too. I'm sorry you've been sick. Do you-" But, his words were cut off by the beeping of his PAL. "Can you hang on a minute," he asked kristin.

"Take your time," she said. She tried not to eavesdrop while Nathan was talking on his PAL, but she did hear the unmistable voice of another woman, which sparked her curiosity. It also pained her. Of course, she _had _told Nathan to move on, but there was a part of her that really _didn't_ want that. And, from Nathan's chuckling, it didn't sound as though the conversation was strictly professional. Then she heard Nathan say, "Goodnight, Wendy."

Nathan put his PAL away. "Sorry," he said to Kristin., "Where were we?"

"Do you often get calls from your CMO at 10:30 in the evening?" Kristin asked. She probably sounded more hurt than she intended.

"Kristin, you know what it's like here...and Wendy and I are just friends. You're the one who told me to make friends, didn't you?"

Kristin was glad Nathan couldn't see the tears in her eyes. She brushed them away and said, "I did, and I'm happy for you."

"Then why do you sound angry?"

"I'm not; I'm not feeling well, remember? Sorry if I cannot act as though I'm not sick."

Nathan could sense she wasn't being completely honest, but he certainly didn't want to have an argument with her either. He decided to drop the subject for the time being. This wasn't the time or the place for it. "Right," he said.

There was a brief moment of silence. Then, Nathan asked, "Are you laying down, Honey?"

"Yes; I've been resting a lot. To be honest, I can't really stand on my own two feet very long."

"That's good to hear, that you've been resting. I wish I was there to hold you."

"Me too," He heard Kristin sniff. Was she crying? He wasn't sure.

"Just relax," he said soothingly. "Close your eyes and listen to the sound of my voice."

Kristin obliged. She was crying and was glad Nathan couldn't see. She missed him so, but she needed his support at this time as well.

"Are your eyes closed?" Nathan asked.

"Yes," she said through her tears, hoping Nathan couldn't tell she was crying.

Nathan stayed on the vid-link with her, whispering soothing words to her until he could hear her rhythmic breathing. "Kristin?" he asked quietly. When he heard no answer, he knew she was finally asleep.

"Goodnight, Sweetheart," he said as he cut the link.

**A/N: I hope readers are enjoying it so far. Thank you to all those who have reviewed so far. As always, reviews are always appreciated. Thank you.**


	12. I Won't Walk Away

**Chapter 12**

The next day, Nathan couldn't keep Kristin off of his mind. Even as he worked, he found his thoughts drifting to her. Wendy could sense it; in fact, whether he meant to do so or not, he'd broken down his walls. Towards the end of the day when things were not so hectic on board, Wendy approached Nathan to see if he wanted to talk.

"Uh, Captain, are you OK?" she asked with concern.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. I've just had some things on my mind," Nathan said.

"Like Kristin?" Wendy asked.

Nathan was taken aback for a moment. Then, he remembered Wendy was a telepath. "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm sorry, Captain, but you're mind is very open, and you don't have a wall up. Do you want to tell me who Kristin is?" she asked.

Nathan thought for a moment. Besides Lucas, no one else on the crew who had been on the first tour knew what was going on with the former doctor. Although Wendy didn't know Kristin, she knew of her. After all, talking about it may help him deal with it. "I'd like that, if you want to listen."

"I haven't got anything else I'm doing at the moment; my shift just ended," Wendy said. "Have you eaten yet?"

Nathan shook his head. "Shall we, Doctor?"

Wendy nodded, and they walked side by side to the mess hall. It was late, so they had almost complete privacy, save for a crew man or two grabbing quick snacks.

Wendy and Nathan sat down at a table and began eating in silence, both unsure of who should start speaking first.

"So," they said in unison, causing them both to laugh.

"Sorry," Wendy said. "I know you are the one who said you needed to talk."

"No, it's alright," Nathan said. "Someone had to break the silence. I've really been distracted, and I'm sorry for that."

"About Kristin," Wendy said, matter-of-factly.

Nathan nodded. "Kristin is very special to me," he said quietly.

"You love her," Wendy said quietly, seeing the pain reflected in his eyes.

Nathan eyes filled with tears. He tried to hold them back. "Yes," he said, avoiding her gaze.

"Does she love you?"

Nathan nodded. "Kristin was the CMO on the last tour; she was supposed to be here for this tour, but plans changed."

Wendy finally understood who Kristin was; Lucas had mentioned her a few times, but Wendy really hadn't thought much about it. "What happened?" she asked.

Nathan sighed. "Fate."

Wendy looked confused.

"She's sick," he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," Wendy said with sympathy. "So she's home, and you're here," she said.

Nathan said, "She's the one who told me to leave; she didn't want me to stick around to watch her suffer." He paused slightly. "And, I couldn't watch it," he admitted. "The thing is, I know it hurts her that I'm not with her; it hurts _me_ that I'm not with her; why would she want that?"

"It sounds like she really cares for you," Wendy said. "She knows how you suffered with your late wife; I'm sure she doesn't want to put you through that again."

"That's basically what she said; she said she wasn't going to allow me to put my life on hold."

"You mean not coming here?"

Nathan nodded. "Up until a couple weeks before she was ready, I was thinking of resigning my position. But, she wouldn't have it. She told me I needed to get on with my life because she didn't know what the future held for her, for us."

"And that's not what you want?" Wendy asked.

"I'm just torn. I want to get on with my life, but I want her in it. But, I was really trying to do what she asked...until I got a call from her daughter last week. And, then, Kristin called me last night; the news wasn't good. Now, I can't get her off my mind," Nathan said sadly.

"Maybe it's not _me_ you should be talking to," Wendy said.

"What?" Nathan asked.

Wendy smiled. "Go call her, Captain. Tell her how you feel."

Nathan thought for a moment. Why hadn't he thought of that? Because he didn't want to bother Kristin; she needed her rest, but he wasn't going to have any peace until he made sure that she was alright.

"Alright, I will," he decided. He got up to leave. "Thank you for listening; I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Anytime...and same time, same place," she said with a smile.

"Goodnight, Doctor."

"Goodnight."

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Nathan headed straight to his quarters with a new-found confidence. He dialed Kristin's number on the vid-link.

"Hello?" Kristin said. Nathan was thankful she'd not put it on voice-only; she looked pale and thin, but he still thought she was beautiful.

"Hello, Beautiful," Nathan said.

"Nathan? What are you doing?" she asked. It was after midnight, but she hadn't been asleep. But, she thought she'd made herself perfectly clear the night before; they were taking a break.

"Well, hello to you to," Nathan said sarcastically. "I'm sorry, but I was worried about you."

Kristin softened a bit. "Thank you," she said gently. After last night, he had a right to be.

"How are you feeling?" Nathan asked with concern.

"Um, I'm a little better than yesterday, but I still feel horrid. I must look that way, too. If I'd have known it was you, I wouldn't have hit the view button," she admitted.

"Why not? I think you look gorgeous."

Kristin blushed; Nathan thought it was refreshing to see a bit of color on her cheeks. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

Nathan shook his head. "No, I really mean it. I'm sorry you're not feeling much better," he said.

"I told you not to worry about me," Kristin said.

"How can I not? Kristin, I don't want to take a break."

"Nathan, we've been over-"

"Damn it, Kristin!" Nathan said a bit more loudly than he intended which caused Kristin to jump. He took a breath and, being sure to control the volume of his voice, he said, "Look, I know you're trying to protect me, and I am grateful for it. But, I want to be there for you...somehow. I know I'm here and you're there. I won't leave here unless you tell me to. But, as soon as I get leave, I'm coming to see you. I'm not giving up on you, and I don't want you giving up on me."

Kristin was silent. These were the words she'd longed to hear, but she didn't want Nathan getting hurt either. "But, Nathan, I-"

"I don't want any buts," Nathan said firmly. "I know all the risks and what could happen. I don't care about that; all I care about is you...and the time we have left."

Tears came to Kristin's eyes. "I'm sorry I pushed you away," she said through her tears.

"It's alright, Baby. I'm just letting you know that I won't walk away; I want to be with you through it all, no matter what. And, I know that's what you want too."

Kristin nodded, her tears flowing freely.

"Please don't cry, Honey," Nathan said. "I didn't call you to make you cry."

"I know," she said, "but they're happy tears. This is what I wanted."

"I love you," Nathan said.

"I love you, too."


	13. Every Time You Say Goodbye

**Chapter 13**

From that night on, Nathan and Kristin spoke every night. Nathan looked forward to their 'dates'. In fact, although Kristin was often ill, she looked forward to the evenings, no matter how sick she felt. Nathan had been working on trying to get some leave, even if just for a weekend to go and see Kristin. After a couple of months, he was finally able to do so, only for a week, but he was happy with that. He wanted to surprise Kristin, but he didn't know exactly how to get to her flat, so he sent an E-mail to her daughter to find out how to get there. And, of course, he was sure to make sure she kept it a secret that he was coming to visit.

Kristin heard a knock on the door. She looked at the time; she wasn't expecting any visitors, especially this early in the morning. She certainly wasn't dressed for company. "Jasmine," she called from her bedroom, "can you get the door?" She hurried to dress into something more suitable.

"Yes, Mom," she heard Jasmine say. Then, she heard her daughter speaking to someone couldn't place the voice. Kristin looked in the mirror to check that she looked presentable and proceeded down the stairs. "Jasmine, who's here?" she said as she came into the living room. She suddenly stopped when she saw who it was, both surprised and overjoyed. Happy tears came to her eyes as she ran into Nathan's arms. Nathan wrapped his arms around her, holding the woman he had missed so much.

"I told you I was coming to see you as soon as I got leave," he whispered in her ear.

Kristin laughed through her tears as Nathan released her. "Yes, well you failed to tell me it was going to be now."

"I wanted to surprise you, and my little cohort in crime helped me," Nathan said, nodding his head towards Jasmine.

"You certainly look very proud of yourself," Kristin said to Jasmine, who had a huge grin on her face. She walked over to her daughter to give her a grateful hug. "Thank you, Sweetheart."

"I just want you to be happy, Mom; you're quite welcome. Now, I should tell you that I told Gran that I'm staying with there for the week so you two can be alone," Jasmine said.

"Well, I am happy," Kristin said, "but we don't need you to leave."

"Jasmine, we don't want to push you out of your home," Nathan said.

Jasmine rolled her eyes a bit. "Look, you two need to have some alone time. And, I'm OK with that. Just take care of my Mom," she said to Nathan.

"I promise," said Nathan.

"I'm going upstairs to pack," Jasmine said. "Gran's picking me up in a little while. We're going to spend the day at the museum. I'm doing a report for school that's due on Wednesday."

Before Kristin or Nathan could argue with her, she ran upstairs to pack. "She certainly is precocious, isn't she?" Nathan asked.

"You mean you had nothing to do with her leaving for the week?" Kristin asked, surprised.

Nathan wore an innocent look. "I'm not saying I didn't _think_ about it, but, no, I didn't ask her to do it. I swear she came up with that on her own."

Kristin chuckled. "Alright, I believe you. She's a good girl, though."

"That she is," Nathan said, "and so is her mother." He gave Kristin a passionate kiss that lasted several minutes, leaving them both gasping for air.

"Oh, I've missed that," Kristin breathed.

"Me too," Nathan said.

Neither of them heard Jasmine come back into the room. "Can't you two wait until I _leave_?" she said with mock disgust. "I just came in to say goodbye."

Kristin gave her a kiss and a hug. "I'll remember this when you fall in love," Kristin said. "Then, there will be paybacks."

"Yes, Mother. You two have fun."

"Bye, Sweetie. Thank you," Nathan said to her.

"Bye." And with that, she was gone.

"Looks like we have the house to ourselves," Kristin said. "What would you like to do now?"

"Hmmmm, I can think of a thing or two," Nathan said suggestively. Then a thought came to his mind. "Um are you able to...do you feel well enough?"

Kristin laughed. "Actually, I've felt quite well as of late. Thank you; I think it's because of you. And, I'm not a porcelain doll. I'm not going to break."

Nathan still looked worried. "You're sure?"

"Nathan, I want you to make love to me," she said huskily, hoping he'd get the message.

Nathan looked at her for a moment, trying to read if she really meant what she said. As he looked into her eyes, he determined she was, indeed, being truthful. He kissed her passionately again and picked her up. He carried her upstairs to the bedroom.

Nathan woke up several hours later, reaching for the warm feminine body pressed next to his. She began to stir as me moved.

"Hello," he said. "Feel alright?"

Kristin smiled sleepily. "I feel better than alright. What time is it?"

Nathan looked at the clock on the bedside table next to him. "3 PM."

"You mean we've stayed in bed all day?" Kristin asked with a bit of surprise.

"Well, I say we deserved it," he said coyly. "You attacked me, you know."

Kristin laughed. "_I_ attacked you?"

"Well, maybe we both attacked each other."

"That's more like it," Kristin said. Then, she asked, "Are you hungry."

"Hmmm, that I am," Nathan said suggestively, not taking his eyes off of her.

Kristin laughed again. "As much as I love your enthusiasm, I mean are you hungry for _food_? We can always have that for dessert."

Nathan pulled her into a passionate kiss. Then he whispered, "I think we should order in."

Kristin nodded as he trailed soft kisses down her neck. "If you keep that up, we won't be eating any time soon," she said. "And, I'm sorry, but I _am_ hungry. Besides, we're going to need to keep our strength up."

Nathan pulled away to look at her. "That we will, Sweetheart, that we will."

Had it not been for Kristin's treatment on Monday, the two wouldn't have ever left the bedroom. Afterwards, as usual, Kristin was feeling ill, so Nathan took her home and made sure she was comfortable.

He carried her upstairs and laid her down on the bed, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Can I get you anything?" he asked.

Kristin sighed. "In the bathroom, I have a bottle of pain medication in the cabinet. Can you bring it to me?"

Nathan nodded and he went to retrieve the bottle.

A few moments later, he returned with the medicine and a glass of water. He handed them to her.

After she took a couple of pills, she said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked.

"Because I'm going to be out of commission for the rest of the day. No matter how good I feel, these damned treatments always put me out for the day."

"You don't have to apologize; there are other things we can do, you know. That isn't the only reason I wanted to come and see you."

"I know," she said, "but, it helped me to forget."

"To forget?"

"Forget that I'm going through this, forget that we're apart, forget that...," her voice trailed off.

Nathan laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. He knew what she was going to say, and neither of them wanted to hear it. He kissed her gently on the forehead. "Everything's going to be fine," he whispered. "Just rest, and I'll take care of you."

Kristin nodded and cuddled up next to him, reveling in the warmth and comfort of his arms. Soon, they were both asleep.

Nathan woke up sometime later. Without opening his eyes, he instinctively reached to the space next to him to pull Kristin closer to him to find it empty. He immediately sat up to search the room for her, but she was no where to be found.

"Kristin," he said, "are you alright, Honey?"

He waited for an answer, but received none. He walked out of the bedroom and headed towards the bathroom. His heart sank when he saw Kristin lying on the floor. "Kristin?" he said as he shook her gently, thinking she had only fallen asleep after she'd gotten sick. However, she was not responsive. "Kristin?" he said louder and shook her a little harder. Suddenly, realized something was terribly wrong. He ran to the vid-phone and dialed the phone number for the ambulance.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

A short time later, Nathan, Kristin's parents, and Jasmine were all in the waiting room of the hospital. They had no word from the doctor yet as to Kristin's health, and the wait was nerve-wracking.

"Did you call Cynthia?" Nathan whispered to Jasmine.

Jasmine nodded. "Yes, but she isn't going to come here yet unless, um, she has to," her voice quivered. Nathan knew what she meant, but no one wanted to admit it.

No one said much to each other after that, all lost in their own thoughts and prayers. After what seemed like a lifetime, a doctor finally came to see them.

"Are you the family of Kristin Westphalen?" he asked. They all nodded. To Nathan's relief, Kristin's parents allowed him to stay and hear the news about Kristin as well. The doctor continued, "Uh, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it seems her body isn't responding as well to the treatments as we expected."

"So, what does that mean?" her mother asked.

"It means that the cancer, although it has shrank somewhat, has not been eliminated. It also means that her body is at its limit as to how much chemotherapy it can take. It means we just have to wait. This is a very delicate time, but some decisions need to be made now."

"What kind of decisions?" Nathan asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Like if you want her to be resuscitated if her body shuts down," the doctor responded.

Nathan had no idea what the family discussed after this because the doctors words had been like a slap to him. He wasn't sure if he could handle this. He loved this woman, but he couldn't emotionally handle the pain. He sat down on the other side of the room with his head in his hands and silently prayed, prayed that she would be alright.

Days later, Kristin did get better. It had not been her time to die, but Nathan worried it was a foreshadowing on the near future, a near-future he had come to realize would ruin him emotionally. Kristin had warned him, and he hadn't heeded the warnings. She warned him to stay away because she knew what the illness would do to him, but he had truly thought he would be strong enough to face it. After all, he was Nathan Hale Bridger, captain of the seaQuest, a great warrior in the face of danger. But, when it came to matters of the heart and emotional pain, he was a coward, a serious flaw he could not overcome. Even after Kristin returned home, they both sensed a difference in their relationship. Nathan had already made his decision; he just had to break it to her.

"I'm sorry your vacation wasn't more fun," Kristin said quietly.

"You don't need to apologize; it wasn't your fault," Nathan said.

"I'm going to miss you when you leave tomorrow," Kristin said.

"Uh...me too," Nathan stammered.

"Nathan?" Kristin said, knowing he had something on his mind.

Nathan sighed. "Kristin, this isn't easy for me to say..." his voiced trailed off.

Kristin had expected this. There was a reason she didn't want him to see her this way; as much as she wanted him around, needed him near, she knew how emotionally fragile he was. She knew he'd run just as he'd run when Carol and Robert died. She felt the tears sting her eyes as she said, "You're leaving me, aren't you?" Even though she expected it, it didn't make it hurt any less.

Nathan nodded solemnly. "I am so sorry, Honey. I just can't watch you suffer; I thought I could, but I can't. I still love you, but-"

Kristin was filled with sadness and anger, an anger that won her body over right now. "Get the hell away from me!" she yelled.

"Kristin, don't-"

"Nathan, get out! Now!"

Nathan stood there for a moment, but he knew how badly he'd hurt Kristin. He grabbed his bag and left.


	14. Still Holding Out For You

**Chapter 14**

Nathan arrived back on the seaQuest on a sad note, but he tried not to let it show. Upon hearing he had returned, Wendy knocked on his door to say hello.

Nathan answered. "Oh, hi," he said, but he wasn't very cheery.

"I just wanted to say hello. Can I come in?" Wendy asked.

Nathan stepped aside so Wendy could walk in the room; he shut the door behind her.

"So, how was your week?" Wendy asked, "Did you have fun?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Nathan said. He didn't really want to talk about it, but, somehow, he knew Wendy would drag it out of him. That was the problem with having a telepath on board.

"You guess? You don't sound very happy," Wendy noted.

"I'm just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night," Nathan explained.

"Oh," Wendy said, "well, was Kristin happy to see you?"

Nathan nodded. "She was, and she was sorry to see me go," he said with a hint of sadness.

"Well, you'll see each other again soon, right?"

"I'm not so sure," Nathan said.

"What?" Wendy asked, apparently confused.

"Um, we sort of broke up," Nathan said quietly.

"But I thought you were getting along so well?" Wendy asked.

"We were..."

"So what happened?"

"You're not going to leave me alone until I tell you, are you?" Nathan asked.

"Well, it's either that or I scan your mind until I find out the answer," Wendy said.

Nathan sighed. "_I _decided to break it off, and I am not very proud of that. But, I have my reasons."

"What reasons?" Wendy asked. Nathan was surprised at the emotion that was evident in Wendy's voice with the question.

He paused slightly. He really didn't want to tell her, to say the words out loud because no matter how he was going to say it, he was going to sound like a cold, insensitive bastard. And, that's how he felt, truthfully. Upon these thoughts, he must have inadvertently opened his mind to Wendy, because she read his thoughts.

"She got sick, and you couldn't handle it," Wendy said.

Nathan nodded, grateful that he didn't have to explain.

"How could you do that?" Wendy asked, appalled that Nathan would do that to anyone.

"I-I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"Well, I'm sure you can apologize-" Wendy began.

"I don't want to apologize," Nathan said.

"What?"

"I'm sorry that I hurt her, but I'm not sorry I left. I can't handle watching her suffer, watching her die."

"Don't make it about that; cherish the time you might have left with her," Wendy pleaded.

"That's easier said than done," Nathan said. "I'm not strong enough to do that."

Wendy just stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe this was the Nathan Bridger she looked up to, the Nathan Bridger she trusted, the Nathan Bridger that she thought she loved. "You're not the man I thought you were," she said as she opened the door to leave.

"Neither am I, Doctor. Neither am I," Nathan said miserably as she left the room.

Nathan was left alone to wallow in his sorrows for the rest of the day. However, what he thought was a quiet evening was interrupted by his vid-screen chirping.

He hit the button, "Bridger," he said.

"How could you?" he heard the feminine voice of Kristin's daughter say, a voice that sounded upset and angry at the same time.

"Uh, Jasmine, hello."

Jasmine was not going to fall for the Bridger charm at the moment. "How could you do that to my mother?" she asked again through tears.

"Look, Jasmine, it's complicated-" Nathan began.

"Complicated? And what _she's_ going through _isn't _complicated? She's going through hell right now, and the one thing, the one thing in her life that made her happy was you," Jasmine said, crying as she spoke.

"Look, I'm sorry. I-" Nathan began but he was cut off.

"You're sorry? Well, that's just fine. You aren't the one who has to watch her suffer both physically and emotionally, are you? You aren't the one watching her cry over you. You promised me you were going to take care of her."

"I know that, but I...I just couldn't..." Nathan didn't want to explain. He didn't anticipate everyone confronting him for his actions.

"That's what I thought," Jasmine said. "You're nothing more than a coward. When things get a little tense, you run, just like you ran away when Aunt Carol died. Just consider this my warning; you stay the hell away from my mother and the rest of my family. You've caused her enough pain, and no one trusts you anymore, including her."

"I really am sorry," Nathan said miserably.

"Not sorry enough," Jasmine said as she cut the connection.

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Kristin had been so terribly hurt. With everything going on in her life, this was the last thing she wanted or needed. She felt so miserable, but it was hard to tell if it was the disease or the heartbreak at the moment. She tried to focus on getting better, on battling the disease. But, she found herself crying over her lost love in the evenings when she was alone. She told herself that if Nathan ever asked to her to take him back, she would do it in a heartbeat. Although he'd hurt her, she still loved him, although she'd never admit it to her daughters. They'd raise hell if they knew.

Nathan had debated calling Kristin so many times, just to see how she was. Although he couldn't watch the disease consume her, he still cared for her, although his actions did not show it. But, every time he thought about it, Jasmine's words echoed in his head. Instead, he through himself into his work, hoping that would kill the pain. It was a temporary fix, but it didn't work so well when he was alone in his quarters. He no longer had the support of Wendy, and Lucas seemed aloof with him. Of course, Jasmine and Lucas were friends, so, naturally, she'd informed Lucas of his sins. Was there anyone on the boat _not_ interested in his personal life?

So, this was how it was for the two, although they were both still very much in love with one another. Only fate could tell if they were meant to share that love with each other or not.


	15. If You Asked Me To

**Chapter 15**

**Six months later**

As the second tour was ending, Nathan Bridger came to the realization of the grave mistake he'd made when he walked out of Kristin's life. In doing this, he'd pushed everyone away that he cared about, even Wendy and Lucas. As everyone was going home for the hiatus, Nathan realized he was going to be alone once again, something he didn't want. Just one year earlier, he had a house filled with love and company. As the seaQuest was docked and the crew was leaving, he made one last attempt to make sure this was not going to be his fate: a summer alone.

"Uh, Lucas," Nathan approached him, "d-did you want to stay with me for the summer? Darwin's going to miss you if you don't."

Lucas thought for a moment. Had he not already been invited somewhere else, he might have taken the captain up on his offer. The truth was, he didn't hate him for leaving Kristin, although Nathan thought it. He just didn't understand why, and the captain never did explain his reasons. "Thank you, Captain, but I've already been invited to England."

"England?" Nathan asked.

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, uh, Doctor Westphalen invited me to stay there, almost a month ago now."

"I didn't know she talked to you," Nathan said.

"Uh, yeah. She's written me letters and E-mails everyday for the past year."

"_Every_ day? What does she say?"

"Well, she tells me how much she loves me, how sorry she is that she cannot see me all the time, and that it's not my fault. When she was too sick, some of the letters were dictated to Jasmine, but she never let me down," Lucas said. "Anyway, now that her cancer is in remission, she thought it was a good idea if I came to visit. Uh, I'll see you in a few months."

"Right," Nathan said. "Have a good time."

"Do you want me to tell her anything?" Lucas asked.

"What?"

"Dr. Westphalen. Do you want to send her a message?"

Nathan thought for a moment. "Just tell her that I hope she's happy, and I truly mean that."

"I will," Lucas said. "Have a good summer."

"You too."

"See ya'." And Lucas left. Nathan made sure everyone was off the boat before leaving himself.

**Four months later**

Kristin had a wonderful summer with Lucas and Jasmine; Cynthia was even able to visit for a couple of weeks as well. Even though Jasmine had opted to got to a public school to be closer to Kristin during her illness, she was still able to graduate early and gain an early acceptance to Cambridge; Lucas was to be returning for a third tour of the seaQuest. Everyone had plans-except Kristin. Having been out of commission for the past year, Kristin hadn't thought of what she was going to do now. She was now well, and was extremely grateful for that. Although she was sure the UEO would offer her a lucrative position somewhere, she decided against the idea.

Although she still loved Nathan, she still felt hurt. She knew that if he gave her the chance, she'd run right back into his arms. However, he really had hurt her deeply; what if she had a relapse? He'd run away all over again, and she'd be back in the same boat, so to speak. After both Lucas and Jasmine left, she found herself at an impasse as to where to go next. But, again, it seemed fate had answered the question when she received a call from an old friend.

"Hello?" Kristin answered the vid screen, not recognizing the man on the screen, although he looked vaguely familiar.

"Hello, Kristin, how have you been? I'd heard you had a bought with cancer." Joshua Levin said.

"I've been in remission for eight months now; I'm doing well. This is kind of embarrassing, but I don't recognize you," Kristin admitted.

Joshua laughed. "I'm sorry; maybe it's the haircut. It's me, Joshua Levin."

Kristin smiled brightly. "Oh, of course! How have you been, Joshua?"

"I've been well. Listen, I do have some ulterior motives as to why I am calling you. For the past year, I've been working at the Manifest Underwater Research Facility; in fact, I'm still working there. Well, we are in need of a head physician and scientist-I immediately thought of you."

"Why don't you take the position?" Kristin asked.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't want to, but I am not qualified enough. We really need someone with your qualifications," Joshua said.

"Well, what happened to the former head physician and scientist?" Kristin asked.

"He passed away recently. We've been working down here with I and some of the other physicians taking turns, but we really need someone to take charge, someone who knows what he or she is doing. Things are a little chaotic down here," Joshua explained. Then he added, "It's like working on seaQuest without the military interference. And, there's no lobbying for funds."

"Who _does_ fund the research, then?" Kristin wondered aloud.

"Anonymous benefactors mostly; sometimes there are specific experiments done for certain research that is requested by a benefactor. Other than that, however, we mostly have free range."

Kristin thought for a moment. She really had no other plans as to what to do, and she would be a chief scientist and physician again. It was the best of both worlds, wasn't it? There was a small voice in her head telling her it was too good to be true, but she quickly stifled it. "Where do I sign up?" she asked with a smile.

Joshua was extremely happy that she'd accepted. "We can send a launch by the end of the week. Is that enough time?"

Kristin nodded. "More than enough."

"I'll call you in a few days to give you more details," Joshua said.

"I'll be looking forward to it."


	16. Every Rose Has Its Thorn

**Chapter 16**

As the third tour began, Nathan had a strong dose of reality. A summer alone definitely gave him a lot of time to reflect. Now that he was back on the seaQuest, he was glad to be Captain Nathan Bridger again instead of just Nathan Bridger, the man who walked away from his true love. On the first day back, Nathan asked Lucas, "How was your summer?"

"Great," Lucas said with a smile. "I think I'm in love."

"Really?" Nathan said, surprised. But he was grateful that Lucas was speaking to him like they used to talk before he'd made his mistake.

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, Jasmine and I...well, we had a blast this summer. We're taking it slow, but we are going to try a long distance relationship."

"I'm happy for you," Nathan said. "So..."

"She's doing fine," Lucas said, sensing what Nathan was going to say.

"What?" Nathan asked.

"I'm sorry, but weren't you going to ask me about Dr. Westphalen? She's doing fine; I think she misses you," Lucas said.

Nathan nodded. "Thanks," Nathan said simply. "Uh, we better get to work."

The day got off to a good start. Even Dr. Smith was civil to him; Nathan was surprised. Perhaps she'd forgiven him.

"How was your summer, Captain?" Wendy asked.

"Uneventful, but nice," Nathan replied, "How was yours?"

"Good," Wendy said. "Have you spoken with Kristin?"

"You don't waste any time, do you?" Nathan said. Then, he shook his head. "Not yet."

"I was just wondering," Wendy said. "Uh, I have work to do; I'll see you later."

"Right," Nathan said.

The rest of the day was busy but pleasant. At the end of the day, Nathan retired to his room. He was alone with his thoughts, which were about Kristin, naturally. He thought about calling her, but opted against it. Even if Kristin accepted his call, he knew she'd get a lecture from her daughter if she were there. But, he didn't see any harm in sending her and E-mail. Even if she didn't write back, at least she would know how he felt. And, there was so much he needed her to know.

_Dear Kristin,_

_ I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, but there are some things I need you to know. Whether it makes a difference or not, I made a huge mistake walking out on you. I admit, it took me a while to realize it, but I know now that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I suppose it's a little late to say that, but I think it's better late than never, isn't it? _

_ Lucas told me that you're healthy now. I am so happy to hear that. So, what are you doing now? I mean, are you working? Of course, it would be stupid to think you'd want to come back here; I'm sure you don't want to see me. But, that doesn't change my feelings for you. I love you, Kristin; I always have, and I always will. No matter what happens now, I can honestly tell you that you've taught me how to love again, something I never thought I could do. I only wish I could share that love with you again someday._

_ But, I completely understand if you feel differently. I know I've hurt you so much, and you didn't deserve that. I only hope that you can find it in your heart to possibly forgive me one day. Hopefully, that's not too much to ask. No matter what happens or wherever you are, I hope you are happy. And, I hope you find someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I would love to hear from you, even if you just tell me you want to be my friend. It would really mean a lot to me._

_Love always,  
Nathan_

As Nathan clicked the send icon, he silently hoped that Kristin would find it in her heart to write back.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Kristin was had spent the day packing since she would be leaving the next day for the research facility. She decided to take a break and check her E-mail in case Joshua had sent her any last minute details. She was surprised to see an message from Nathan. After a few moments of silent debate, she decided to open the message.

As she read it, Nathan told her exactly what she wanted to hear so many months ago. However, it was a little too late. She loved him more than anything, and she always would. But, she had been hurt so much. She felt tears come to her eyes as she remembered the day he left, and she knew she wasn't ready to tell him how she felt. She felt that she couldn't place all her trust in him yet.

She began to write a reply. However, every time she began, she ended up deleting it and rewriting. After several attempts, she decided to shut the computer down. She still had to finish packing; her life was going in a different direction, and maybe there wasn't room for Nathan at the moment? She didn't know, but she decided she would deal with it after she arrived at the research facility and got settled in.


	17. No Getting Over You

**Chapter 17**

**Three months later**

When it came to her personal life, Kristin had tried many times to write Nathan back, but she never did. She tried to move on in her life, and she felt she'd done well, only thinking about Nathan when she was alone in the evenings. Her favorite area in the facility was her office, which she spent a lot of time, especially in the evenings. Within the walls of her office, there was one wall made of glass so that she could look out into the ocean. She especially loved to sit in front of it at night and watch the ocean life; it was so peaceful. Oftentimes, however, these peaceful nights would lead to thoughts of Nathan, and although it was most likely impossible, she did watch for a small glimpse of the seaQuest as well. Of course, she never saw it.

Kristin, however, was happy with the career choice she'd made. The underwater research facility was everything Joshua Levin had said...and more. Kristin was completely in charge of what she studied; the funds were always there, and she never had to lobby for funds, which was a wonderful plus. She'd had to do that her whole life when it came to her scientific studies, and she'd always hated it. Although the Manifest Research Facility was owned by Francois LaPierre, renowned French scientist, he rarely even spoke with them. He owned so many research facilities that his main job was to find benefactors to fund the research. So, she was surprised when she received a phone call from him.

"Dr, Westphalen," Dr. LaPierre said in his thick French accent, "how are things going down there?"

"Very well," Kristin said with a smile. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Well, as I told you in the orientation letter I sent you, I do check up with my facilities occasionally. And, I have to speak to you about something."

"Alright," Kristin said with anticipation.

"We got a funding offer, and I'd like to accept it; it does involve some controversial research, however," Dr. LaPierre explained.

"Controversial?" Kristin asked.

Dr. LaPierre nodded. "Have you heard of cold fusion?"

"Cold fusion?" Kristin repeated. "That's a myth."

"Au contraire, Doctor. There have been many scientists over the years that _have _proved it to be true, but the problem is that finding funding to conduct the experiments is difficult. Well, we've been offered a very substantial amount of money if we conduct the research."

"Well, thank you for the offer, Doctor, but I really don't think-" Kristin began.

"Oh, it's not a request, Doctor. In fact, your refusal will not be tolerated," Dr. La Pierre said.

Kristin did not quite like the way that LaPierre was speaking, but she didn't argue. She wasn't sure what the man was capable of as far as what the repercussions for refusing his wishes might be.

"And, Dr., if we succeed, we would change the world, and it would be very lucrative for us," Dr. LaPierre explained.

"There's one slight problem," Kristin said. "I'm not really familiar with a lot of nuclear research."

"But your Dr. William Turner is. In fact, before he came to the Manifest, it is my understanding that he worked on a marginalized cold fusion research team; however, it failed. But, I expect everyone to follow his lead and begin as soon as possible. Failure is _not_ an option."

"Um, right," Kristin said reluctantly. She didn't like this at all. First of all, she definitely thought the idea of cold fusion was junk science, and never in a million years did she dream she would ever be involved in making it work. And, second of all, this was _not _what she signed up for. She did remember the words of Joshua Levin telling her that they would have to honor occasional requests from benefactors for specific research, but he failed to mention the details. Then, she probably figured he didn't know. If he had, she really didn't think that he would have asked her to head the team.

"You'd better get to work, Doctor," LaPierre said. "I'll check with you in two weeks. Au revoir." With that, he cut the link.

Kristin sighed. She went to prepare for a staff meeting so that she could break the news to the other scientists.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Nathan was disappointed that Kristin never answered his E-mail, but he didn't blame her either. He tried to call her, but the number had been disconnected. He had even asked Lucas if he knew where she was. He told him that she was working at some underwater research facility, but he didn't know the name of it. And, since there were thousands of underwater research facilities, that really didn't narrow it down for him. Nathan just had to accept that he'd lost her. In the evenings, he found himself staring at her picture and thinking about her. However, he was careful that these thoughts of his lost love did not distract him at work. One evening, however, he had a difficult time doing so.

Nathan was in his room after a long day. They had conducted a rescue mission of an underwater research facility under a terrorist attack. It seemed the scientists at the research facility had discovered a new species of fish whose main defense was the ability to produce a neurotoxin. Somehow, this discovery leaked out, and the research facility members were taken hostage because the terrorists wanted the neurotoxin for chemical warfare. But, one of the scientists had the opportunity to put out a distress call, which was answered by the seaQuest.

When they arrived, Nathan hoped to a small extent that this was the research facility that Kristin worked at just so that he might catch a small glimpse of her, know that she was alright. However, it wasn't. Even though the terrorists were apprehended, and the scientists were safe, Nathan was reminded of Kristin. One of the doctors bore a striking resemblance to her, and he found himself unable to get her off his mind.

Nathan's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he received a knock on the door.

As he answered it, he saw Dr. Smith waiting on the other side with a worried look on her face.

"Dr. Smith?" Nathan greeted her, "Is everything alright?"

"That's what _I_ was wondering about you," Wendy said, "I noticed how distracted you've been since we returned from the mission, and I wanted to make sure you were alright. Would you like to talk?"

Nathan stepped aside so she could enter the room. She noticed the picture frame sitting on the table nearby his chair. She picked it up and said, "She's beautiful."

"Yes, she is," Nathan agreed softly.

"She's been on your mind a lot, hasn't she?" Wendy asked.

"I just can't get her off my mind, especially after..." his voice trailed off.

"Lucas told me she works in and underwater research facility much like the one that was attacked," Wendy said.

Nathan nodded but didn't say anything. However, Wendy sensed his feelings.

"You're worried about her?" Wendy asked.

"I just wish I knew if she was alright, if she was happy," Nathan said. "I've tried contacting her, but she won't answer." Then, he added, "I guess I don't blame her either."

"You've finally realized what you lost," Wendy stated.

"Yes," Nathan said miserably.

Wendy placed a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sure she's fine."

"I hope so," Nathan said.

"And, if she you were meant to be in her life, you'll find her again one day."

Nathan brightened a little at these words. "I've been hoping."

"I know, Captain, I know."


	18. I Won't Say I'm In Love

**Chapter 18**

**One month later**

And, so, the Manifest Underwater Research facility began working to create cold fusion under the supervision of Kristin and Dr. Turner. In fact, all other experiments and research were to be put on hold-everyone was expected to work on the cold fusion experiments under the orders of Dr. LaPierre. Dr. Turner split the scientists into teams; in turn, each team took a four-hour shift so that experiments could be conducted around the clock.

Since Kristin had come to the Manifest, she really hadn't a chance to become acquainted with many of the other scientists on a friendly basis. Therefore, she was pleased to be on a team with two other female scientists, Dr. Carly Harris and Dr. Hannah Jenkins. When Kristin was ill, she really didn't keep in contact with too many of her friends. Therefore, she was looking forward to working with the two, hoping to form a bond and share in some female comradery.

Their shift was midnight to four in the morning shift, so the other scientists were asleep. This meant that it was just the three of them to work and speak as they pleased without interruption. On their first night working, they were all a little shy with eachother, although they worked well together. But, after weeks of working together, Carly was the first to start asking personal questions to get to know her co-workers.

"So, Kristin, where did you work before you came here?" she asked in a lovely British accent. Carly Harris had been working at the Manifest herself for two years. Prior to that, she worked at a university in England, where she was from. She and a few other scientists had been given the chance to apply for a position at the Manifest. However, Carly was the only one to pass with flying colors. She was given the position right away, and she accepted it graciously.

Kristin was silent for a moment, surprised that the younger woman would be interested in Kristin's personal background. "I was a doctor and scientist on a submarine," she answered with a shy smile.

"Oh, that must have been exciting," injected Hannah. Hannah had been working at the Manifest for a year. She was from Ireland, if her red hair didn't tip one off, her accent did. But, she was kind enough to speak slowly so that others could understand her claiming that her native dialect was a foreign language even in Ireland. She had come to the Manifest right after earning her doctorate, accepting the offer in a heartbeat.

"It had it's good points," Kristin said with a smile as she thought of some of the wonderful times she _did _have on seaQuest. Her thoughts drifted to Nathan, and she smiled even harder.

"Which submarine was it?" Carly asked with curiosity.

"Um...have you heard of the seaQuest?"

"Oh, everyone's heard of the seaQuest!" Hannah said excitedly. "I can't believe you worked there! I've read so many articles about it's research. And, Captain Bridger's scientific work is fascinating as well, and he's so good-looking. What was it like to work with him?"

Kristin got a huge grin on her face, partly from Hannah's comments about Nathan and partly from actually thinking about Nathan. "It was fun," she said simply, unable to shed the grin.

"Fun? All you can say is fun? That Cheshire-cat grin of yours tells me there is more to it than fun," Carly said. "Spill it."

"Spill it? What do you mean?" Kristin asked innocently.

"I know that look," Hannah said. "I have a boyfriend, too, you know. I get that look whenever I speak about him. You know, we're getting married this summer." Hannah did indeed have a big grin on her face as she spoke about it.

"So, who's the guy?" Carly asked with a smile.

"You two certainly don't waste any time, do you?" Kristin said, still smiling.

"Well, if we're going to be working together for who knows how long, I figure we ought to get to know one another. Don't you agree?" Carly said.

Kristin nodded. "Yes, well, there is no guy, so you just put that idea to rest." But, she still had a smile on her face.

Carly stopped her assault for the time being. "So, why did you leave?"

Kristin was silent for a moment. "Um, I was sick for a while," she said quietly. Her smile faded slightly, but it still did not leave her face completely.

"Oh, I am so sorry," Hannah said sympathetically.

Carly nodded in agreement. "You're alright now, aren't you?"

"Of course," Kristin said reassuringly. "I've been in remission for quite a while now; there's no need to worry about me."

"So, after you got better, they didn't want you back?" Hannah asked.

Kristin shook her head. "No, actually, I'm sure they would have given me my position back if I asked for it. But, I got this offer instead."

"You'd rather work _here_?" Carly said in surprise. "I think if _I _ever got the offer to work on seaQuest, I'd never turn it down."

"Well, that was before I knew we were going to be forced to work on something I'm completely against," Kristin explained.

Hannah and Carly nodded in agreement. Neither of them were happy about having to be apart of cold fusion. But, it seemed they didn't have much of a choice. Even if they chose to resign their positions, Dr. LaPierre would find other scientists to take their places. And, resignation wasn't so easy; every one of them signed a contract. Breaking the contract was easier said than done. Several fees were involved, and neither of them had the money, having already spent it for their own research which they truly cared about.

"Well, even if we were never forced into this, I think I'd still rather work on seaQuest," Carly admitted. "I think you're holding out on us."

"What?" Kristin said.

Hannah nodded in agreement. "She thinks you have a secret. You do seem mysterious."

"How so?" Kristin asked.

"For example, everytime we mention Captain Nathan Bridger, you get a goofy smile on your face," Carly said.

"And you blush," Hannah added.

"Oh, please," Kristin said with a smile. She could indeed feel how warm her cheeks had become, but she tried to hide it. "I do not."

"Oh, yes, you do," Carly said. "I think you and Nathan Bridger had a torrid love affair" she added with a laugh.

Kristin laughed. "Torrid? You certainly are a cheeky thing, aren't you?"

"You're avoiding the question," Carly said, not one to be easily distracted by people who tend to beat about the bush.

"It's OK," Hannah said. "You can admit you're in love; you're among friends."

Kristin shook her head. "I am _not_ in love. I mean, Nathan and I were, but..."

"Oooo, Nathan!" Carly said. "I _knew_ it!"

"You and Nathan Bridger? Oh, are you getting married?" Hannah asked.

Kristin shook her head. "No, we broke up."

"Broke up?" Carly said. "What happened?"

"It's complicated," Kristin said with a smile.

"That look on your face says you're still in love with him," Hannah noted.

"I am _not_ in love with him," Kristin insisted. "That ship sailed a long time ago."

"Whatever you say," Carly said; the doubt in her voice was evident.

"You should call him," Hannah said.

"You should get to work," Kristin said with a laugh. "I think that's enough of the third degree, hmmm? If we don't get some work done soon, we're _all_ going to be in trouble."

"Alright, alright," Carly and Hannah said. Then, Carly added, "I still say you're in love."

"I am not," Kristin insisted with a smile.

For the rest of their shift, however, the three worked quietly, only speaking about their experiment. As their shift ended and the next team came in to relieve them, Carly, Hannah, and Kristin headed to their rooms to get some sleep. As Kristin entered her room, Carly cried, "You're in love."

"I am not," Kristin called back. "Good night," she said to her two new friends. They called good night to her as well. As Kristin shut the door to her room, she looked in the mirror. She _did_ have a goofy grin on her face, and she knew that deep in her heart, she truly was still in love with Nathan. Would saying it make it so bad? She wasn't ready to find out. As she lay in bed, she was thinking about how glad she was to have found some new friends. How wonderful they were, too! But, she refused to admit that she was in love with Nathan to them or anyone else, at least not out loud.

**A/N: Thanks to my two friends for being the inspiration for this chapter-I greatly appreciate your support. You know who you are! And, thank you to all those who have reviewed. I appreciate all your comments. Thank you! **


	19. Do You?

**Chapter 19**

**Three months later**

As the weeks went on, the Manifest scientists had difficulties creating cold fusion, even under the lead of Dr. Turner. Although Kristin, Carly, and Hannah had become good friends, they and the rest of the scientists were frustrated that they couldn't get anywhere with the cold fusion experiments. Kristin was dreading her call with Dr. LaPierre; he had been calling every two weeks like clockwork to check on their progress. If he decided to continue the pattern, he would be calling that very day. Once he heard that they hadn't made much progress, she figured he would be quite angry. And, just as she expected, he did call. However, he had a different reason for his call.

"Hello, Dr. LaPierre," Kristin greeted him with a nervous smile.

"Uh, hello. How are the experiments coming along?" Dr. LaPierre asked.

"Well, we're trying our best, but we haven't made as much progress as you'd like," Kristin admitted, but she felt it was best to get it out in the open. Perhaps Dr. LaPierre would be kind enough to call the whole project off.

"I see," LaPierre said. "Well, we'll just keep trying."

Kristin nodded, relieved that the doctor did not seem to be very angry. "I can assure you, we are."

LaPierre sighed. "There is something I need to speak to you about."

"Oh?" Kristin asked, her interest peaked.

"Uh, yes," LaPierre started, "I need to let you know that we've had some situations in some of my other research facilities; I cannot say for sure, but the Manifest may be a target as well."

"A target? What's going on?" Kristin asked with heightened urgency.

"Surely you don't think that you are the _only_ research facility working on the cold fusion experiments?" LaPierre asked.

Kristin _did_ actually think that, but said nothing.

"I have nine other facilities working on the same project. Two of them had success."

"Well, that's wonderful!" Kristin said happily. "So, you don't need us to continue our work?"

"Unfortunately, these two facilities were attacked."

Kristin's heart sank. "Attacked? Are the scientists alright?"

LaPierre shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. They were all exterminated. Our benefactor is a very powerful man, Doctor. While our success will prove very lucrative, it will also create enemies."

"So, what do you propose we do?" Kristin asked, quite worried now.

"There isn't much we can do; just be sure that you have your security alarms and shields turned on at _all _times. I am in the process of hiring security guards for all my facilities, but, as you can imagine, it is difficult to find so many that are qualified. I am working as fast as I can," LaPierre answered.

"May I be so bold as to ask who exactly our benefactor is?" Kristin asked.

"Amun Massri."

"Amun Massri, as in the President of Egypt?" Kristin asked with surprise.

LaPierre nodded.

"But, he's a dictator!" Kristin said in shock. "You mean to tell me you're helping a dictator?" Kristin's shock quickly turned to anger.

"Correction; he was elected fair and square," LaPierre began.

"At the point of a gun, according to the news reports."

"I am not going to pass judgment; he approached me, and I accepted," LaPierre explained.

"That man is responsible for thousands of deaths! And, now you may have killed us all!" Kristin yelled.

"I can tell you that I'm not proud of accepting an offer like this so hastily, but I cannot go back on it now. I know my apologies cannot make up for the fate I may have drawn for all of us. Just make sure all your scientists are on their guard. Tell them not to discuss our work with anyone outside of the facility," LaPierre said.

Kristin sighed. "I'll do my best."

"I really am sorry, Doctor," LaPierre said as he cut the link.

Kristin went to wake the others so that she could tell them what she had just discovered. She did her best to remain strong, although she was frightened. But, she knew she had to remain calm; she was the head of this facility, and the other scientists depended on her.

After she'd spoken to her staff and calmed everyone down the best that she could, she retired to her room. She needed a break, to be alone with her own thoughts. She tried to remember what would be done in dangerous situations like this on the seaQuest. Of course, she had Nathan and Ford and all the other senior crew members to help her. She sighed. She wondered if she should contact Nathan; if the research facility truly was in trouble of being attacked, she was confident that the seaQuest would help. However, they weren't in any danger yet and might not be. Calling on the seaQuest might only be a false alarm, and she doubted the UEO would be very pleased about a false alarm.

Then a sudden thought came to her; she hadn't yet sent her daily E-mail to Lucas. Yes, even now, she still sent him a daily message, just to let him know that she was thinking of him and to know that she loved him. She sat down in front of her laptop and began typing.

_Dear Lucas,_

_ How are you today? How's Darwin? I hope that you and everyone else is doing well. I just wanted to send my daily message of love and good wishes for you. I do want you to know that I love you and have been thinking of you. _

Normally, Kristin would have ended the quick message with Love, Kristin or something of that nature. However, under the circumstances, she felt she needed to tell Lucas more in hopes that he would mention it to Nathan, although it was not her intention to alarm him-but he _was_ an adult now. So, she continued.

_ Lucas, I certainly don't want to alarm you, but are you aware of some underwater research facilities being attacked recently? If you are, I just want you to know that, so far, the Manifest is safe. However, my boss is concerned that our research facility may be a target. I cannot discuss the reasons for this, but I wanted to let you know...in case. I will continue to write you daily. As long as I write you, you will know I am safe. _

_Just one more thing...please don't tell Jasmine. I will let her know myself. I really don't want to alarm anyone, but it was just brought to my attention._

_I love you. Stay safe._

_Love,_

_Kristin_

Kristin clicked the send icon and shut her computer down. Then, she laid down and tried to get some sleep. She silently prayed that the Manifest would continue to be safe.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Lucas did have enough sense to mention what Kristin wrote him to Nathan. The truth was, the seaQuest had answered quite a few distress calls to different research facilities in the past few months.

"Uh, I heard from Dr. Westphalen," Lucas said to him one evening after a busy day.

"I thought she wrote you every day?" Nathan said.

"Well, she does, but this last message was different."

"Is she alright?" Nathan asked with alarm.

"Don't worry; she's fine. But she told me her boss told her that her research facility may be a target; she just wanted to let me know. I think she was hoping I'd tell you," Lucas said. "You know how many of them have been attacked lately."

Nathan nodded. "Why didn't she contact _me_?" he wondered aloud.

"I can't answer that."

"Did you ever find out which facility she's at?" Nathan asked.

"It's called the Manifest; have you heard of it?"

Nathan shook his head. "Why would her facility be a target?"

"She said it had something to do with her research, but she couldn't tell me the details. I just think she wanted to make us aware. She knows that the seaQuest is a peacekeeper," Lucas explained. "But, I don't think she wanted to jump the gun either. I mean, it's only a possibility; she didn't want to call you and have you bringing the seaQuest to her on a hunch," Lucas said with a smile, thinking of the scenario.

Nathan had to admit he probably _would_ have done that had he gotten a call from her. "Right," he said. "Uh, do me a favor; find everything you can about the Manifest Research Facility. I just want to know what's going on here. Maybe all these attacks are connected."

Lucas nodded. "Sure thing, Cap. Do you need it tonight?"

Nathan shook his head. "No, in the morning should be fine. You're going to need your sleep."

"Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight."


	20. You and Me

**Chapter 20**

Lucas awoke early the next morning to dig up all he could on the Manifest facility and its owner. First, all he found was general information; a small paragraph on the Internex. But, as he dug deeper, he put his hacking skills to good use when it came to Francois LaPierre. What he discovered was horrifying; now he just had to break it to the captain. He grabbed his PAL and buzzed Bridger.

"Bridger," Lucas heard a sleepy voice say.

"Uh, Captain, I-I'm sorry I woke you. I just wanted to speak with you about what I found. D-did you want me to meet you somewhere, or...?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, Lucas, I forgot. Give me ten minutes, and I'll come by and see you, OK?"

"No problem," Lucas said.

A short time later, Nathan was knocking on the door to Lucas' room. As he entered, he asked, "So, what did you find?"

Lucas decided to begin with the general details first before getting into the nitty gritty. "Well, the Manifest Research Facility is owned by Dr. Francois LaPierre. It currently has approximately twenty scientists and is headed by Dr. Kristin Westphalen. It is located in the Atlantic Ocean off the Northern coast of France."

"What else did you find outside of the textbook information?" Bridger asked.

"Francois LaPierre owns about one hundred and fifty research facilities himself. He is a world-renowned scientist; most of his work in in nuclear science. After winning the nobel prize in 2012, he retired. He started purchasing these underwater facilities," Lucas explained.

"What's in it for him?" Nathan asked.

"That's what I'm getting to," Lucas said. "How these facilities run is that he gets them funds for the research, and the scientists basically have free reign to conduct their own research. But, it seems there are times certain benefactors make requests for specific scientific research. In these cases, the scientists must do so."

"Who exactly are these benefactors?"

"Well, it seems Dr. LaPierre makes a habit of making contracts with terrorists, dictators, and the like. He, in turn, makes lots of money doing what he does," Lucas said.

"You mean to tell me that Kristin would work for someone like this?" Nathan said in disbelief.

Lucas shook his head. "I'm sure she doesn't know-or at least she _didn't _know. I had to dig deep for this information."

"How deep?"

"I hacked his computer," Lucas said simply. "But there's more. Apparently, the latest miscreant he's been dealing with is Amun Massri, the president of Egypt."

"You mean the dictator," Nathan interjected.

Lucas nodded. "Not only that, but Amun Massri offered a very substantial amount of money, I mean, we're talking billions of dollars, for LaPierres' research facilities to conduct cold fusion experiments."

"Cold fusion?" Nathan repeated in surprise.

"Uh-huh," Lucas said, "and it gets worse. So, LaPierre chooses ten of his facilities to do so, one of them being the Manifest. And, two of them had success. After doing so, however, the facilities were attacked and all the scientists were killed."

"What happened?" Nathan asked worriedly.

Lucas sighed. "It seems that LaPierre told Massri that he needed even more money if they wanted access to the work of the scientists. Massri refused and threatened to begin attacking his facilities. LaPierre did nothing, allowing his facilities to be attacked."

"What do you mean, he did nothing?"

"I mean, he didn't give them any sort of warning nor did he try to prevent it. But, after realizing that Massri isn't playing around, he's begun to warn. Hence, Dr. Westphalen's message."

"So, basically, if another facility gains success in cold fusion, and LaPierre doesn't deliver, Massri and his cronies will attack and kill the scientists?" Nathan said.

"That's what it sounds like," Lucas confirmed. "Now how can _we_ help?"

"What?"

"Well, you're not going to stand by and allow this to happen, are you?" Lucas challenged.

"Well, of course I don't _want_ it to happen, but I'm not sure what can be done. seaQuest just can't show up at the research facility on a hunch of it being attacked," Nathan explained. "The UEO isn't going to allow that, especially if we're called somewhere else."

"But, what about Dr. Westphalen?" Lucas asked.

Nathan sighed. "I guess I can give her a call and see what she knows. All I can do is make sure a distress call is put in at the slightest sign of trouble."

"Do you want me to help you? I mean, she might not be exactly happy to hear from you."

Nathan placed a hand on Lucas' shoulder. "Thanks for your help, Lucas, but I think I can handle it. See you around."

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Nathan had to admit to himself that he was indeed nervous about calling Kristin considering how he had left her. But, this call had nothing to do with them-it was warning her and her colleagues. Surely, she would appreciate that once she learned the reason for his call. He dialed the number Lucas had found on the Internex. After a few moments, a lovely young woman came into the view of the screen.

"Manifest research facility, Dr. Harris speaking," Carly said.

"Uh, hello, Dr. Harris. I'm Captain Nathan Bridger of the seaQuest."

"Yes, I recognize you; I've seen your picture many times."

"Uh, thank you. W-would I be able to speak with Dr. Westphalen by any chance?"

"Just a moment," she said with a smile.

Carly knocked on the door to Kristin's office. "Excuse me, but you have a phone call, Doctor."

Kristin smiled at her friend. "Thank you, Carly."

As Carly left, Kristin hit the button for the vid screen. She'd been typing away at her laptop and didn't really look at the screen as she said, "Dr. Westphalen."

Nathan just stared at her for brief moment. She was more beautiful than he'd remembered. But, he found the courage to speak before she looked up. "Hello, Kristin."

Immediately recognizing the voice, she looked up from her computer screen. "Nathan?" she said, both a little surprised and confused.

"It's been a long time," he said.

"That wasn't _my_ choice," she said. "Is that why you're calling me?"

"I deserved that," Nathan admitted. "But, actually, I didn't call for that. I'm calling about your message to Lucas."

"Oh," Kristin said, "he told you about that, did he?"

"Did you think he wouldn't?" Nathan asked. He knew very well that Kristin knew that Lucas _would_ tell him. Isn't that why she wrote?

Kristin shook her head. "Not really; I just didn't know you would contact me."

"Well, I wouldn't have, but I found out some things concerning your situation that I think you ought to know."

"What kind of things? And how did _you _find out?"

"Well, you know Lucas is real handy with a computer," he quipped.

Kristin sighed. "What did he find?"

Nathan told her everything Lucas had found.

Kristin was even more worried now, and the look on her face showed it. She started to speak, but her voice caught in her throat.

Nathan noticed how upset she looked, and he hated seeing her that way. And, he definitely didn't want to be the cause for that. "Look, Sweetheart," he said, "if you feel threatened in any way, you put out a distress call, and seaQuest will be there."

Kristin noted the term of endearment but didn't object to it. It wasn't the time or place for that; there were bigger things to deal with. "I-I know," she said quietly.

"Promise me," Nathan said.

"What?"

"Promise me you'll do that, that you'll put out a distress call."

Kristin nodded. "We will." She wanted to add, "I just hope you get here in time." However, she opted not to say what they both were already thinking anyway. Then, she added, "Thank you-for warning me."

"It's the least I could do," Nathan said.

For a brief moment, they just stared into each other's eyes, both wishing they were in the same room. Kristin was the first to tear her eyes away from the screen. "Um, I should get going. I have work to do," she said, not allowing her eyes to meet his gaze.

"Um, Kristin...I just want to say...I'm sorry...for everything," Nathan said.

Kristin turned back to him. She felt tears sting her eyes at his words, but didn't want to show it. She hoped he couldn't see it. "Um...me too."

"Uh, right. I just needed you to know that. I'll let you go."

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Um, we'll speak soon."

"Of course," Nathan said, hoping that was true.

Kristin managed a small smile as she cut the link. Kristin found herself wishing she was anywhere but there at that moment. She decided not to alert the rest of the scientists what she had found; they already knew their facility was a target. They didn't need to know _why_, at least not yet. Everyone was already on edge because of it. She brushed the unshed tears from her eyes and got back to work, hoping and praying that everything would work out just fine.


	21. I Won't Let Go

**Chapter 21**

Later that night, Kristin awoke after a restless nap in order for her shift to start. She hadn't slept well, having a constant uneasy feeling that her safety and that of the other scientists at the Manifest was threatened. Realizing their safety would be threatened at the slightest hint of success, she hoped they would not find it. Although she wanted nothing more than to be finished with the cold fusion experiments, she would rather keep failing at it if it meant that they would be safe. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Hey, Sleepyhead," Carly said with a smile, "let's get to work."

"I'm awake, thank you," Kristin said, managing a small smile for her friend.

But as Kristin started to head to the lab, Carly grabbed her arm and pulled her back into her room. In a whisper, she said, "Tread lightly around Hannah; she's pretty upset."

"About what?" Kristin asked in hushed voice that matched Carly's.

"Her brother works at the Gateway research facility; she just got word that it was attacked this morning," Carly explained.

"Oh my God!" Kristin exclaimed in her hushed voice. "She must be devastated!"

Carly nodded. "There hasn't been word on whether he's dead or alive."

"Well, maybe we can just work with just you and I; I certainly don't want to force her to work."

"Let's just see how she is first," Carly said.

Kristin nodded. The news _was_ disturbing, not only for the fact that the recent attacks led to certain death but also for the fact that the Gateway was the closest research facility to the Manifest, just a short one hundred and fifty miles away. Kristin hoped it wasn't a bad omen. Carly noticed the frightened look on Kristin's face.

"Is everything alright, Doctor?"

"Um, yes, everything's fine," she said managing another small smile to assure her friend that she was fine. "Um, let's get some work done, shall we?"

Carly nodded, and the two walked into the lab. A short time later, Hannah met them. It was obvious she'd been crying.

Carly placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

Hannah sighed. "I'm alright."

"Um, Hannah," Kristin began, "if you'd rather not work tonight, we understand. Carly and I can go it alone if you'd rather-"

"No, it's alright," Hannah gently interrupted. "The work will do me good, help me get my mind off of things, you know."

Kristin nodded sympathetically. "Alright, but the offer still stands."

"Thank you," Hannah said.

So, the three began working quietly, only speaking about the project at hand.

Much to Kristin's dismay, after several months of working what she thought and hoped was a lost cause, they actually had success.

"Oh, my God!" Carly exclaimed. "It's actually working!"

Hannah gave a little cheer, despite her sadness.

Kristin just stared in disbelief and horror as the other scientists heard the commotion and began coming into the lab. They all began cheering; everyone except Kristin.

After several minutes, the commotion died down. Carly approached Kristin. "What's the matter? Aren't you happy?"

Kristin debated telling her friend the truth, but decided not to do so. "Y-yes. I guess I'm still in shock."

"Do you need me to pinch you?" Carly quipped.

Kristin managed a small smile at the joke.

"Don't worry; this isn't a dream. We've actually done it," Carly said. Then she added, "I suppose we ought to let Dr. LaPierre know."

"Um, let's not jump the gun yet," Kristin stalled. "We need to run a few more tests and make sure we can get the same result again. I mean, if we can't recreate it again, there's no sense in calling him. If we can recreate it, then I'll call it a success...and I'll call LaPierre myself."

"Of course," Carly said. However, she noticed Kristin was acting different though she couldn't place her finger on it. However, they all knew it was a possibility their facility could be attacked, so she figured it was just that.

After several more runs of the same experiment with all scientists working together, they _did_ get the same result.

Dr. Joshua Levin approached Kristin, "Well, Doctor, I'd say we've created cold fusion. Congratulations."

Kristin nodded. "Oh, I wouldn't be congratulating me. It was an accident really, but thank you." She tried to be gracious although she was quite worried.

"Some of the greatest things have happened by accident; that's how we learn," Levin said. "Hopefully we will be back to working on our own projects soon enough."

"You can say that again," Kristin said. "Um, will you excuse me?"

"Of course."

With that, Kristin went into her office and closed the door. She needed to be alone to collect her thoughts.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Kristin debated what to do first. She really did not want to call Dr. LaPierre. She hadn't spoken to him since he claimed he would find more security for the facilities, but after speaking with Nathan, she found out his real intentions. She definitely didn't trust him, but she didn't feel up to confronting him either because she feared it wouldn't do any good. Then, at the thought of Nathan, she decided what to do first. She walked to the vid-link and dialed the seaQuest.

"Captain," Lieutenant Tim O'Neill said, "You have an important phone call from the Manifest Research Facility."

"I'll take it in my quarters," Nathan said. "Ford, you have the bridge."

"Aye, Sir."

A few moments later, Nathan was in his room. He clicked the view button and saw a very distraught-looking Kristin waiting patiently for him. "Kristin? Is there something wrong?"

Kristin had told herself she was going to remain calm, that she wasn't going to fall to pieces. But, seeing Nathan and wishing she was anywhere but there, wishing that she was in his arms-she broke the promise to herself and began sobbing.

"We've had success," she said through her tears. Then, she began sobbing harder.

Nathan couldn't do much but try to console her by words. "P-please don't cry, Sweetheart. I can't stand to see you cry."

These words sparked some unpurged anger in Kristin because she lashed out. "Oh _really_?" she said through her tears. "Then why the _hell_ did you leave me? This is _all_ you fault, Nathan! If you'd have never left me, I'd be there on seaQuest with you! I'd have never taken this job then...and now I may never get out of here alive!"

It hurt to hear her say those words, but Kristin was right. And, Nathan knew it. He knew what a huge mistake he'd made. "L-look, what I did was horrible. I know that now. I know the worst thing in my life that I've done is walking out on you. I did what I feared most-I lost you. I know that my apology cannot account for much now, but I am so sorry, Kristin. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me...and maybe you will even be able to love me again."

Kristin's sobs began to quiet as she listened. Nathan continued.

"But, I will tell you this. I will do everything in my power to make sure you get out of there alive. I walked away from you once; I won't do it again. I love you, and I always will."

Kristin had longed to hear Nathan say these words. And, she wanted to tell him she still was very much in love with him, but she didn't. Instead she said, "What do you propose to do? I haven't even informed Dr. LaPierre of the news."

"That's good. That will give the seaQuest just enough time to set a course for the North Atlantic. We will be conveniently nearby if your facility is attacked."

"Are you sure you can do that...I mean, will the UEO allow it?"

"I'll just tell them we're patrolling," Nathan said. He was pleased when he saw Kristin relax and wipe the unshed tears from her eyes. "Feel better now?" he asked her.

"A little," she said. "Um, thank you."

"Anytime. Listen, it's going to be OK."

"I hope so," Kristin said.

"I'll be right here," Nathan said. "I'll see you soon. I promise."

Kristin was actually able to smile a real, legitimate smile, something she hadn't been able to do in several days. As Nathan cut the link, she whispered a silent, "I love you, Nathan Hale Bridger." Then, she dialed the number for Dr. LaPierre.


	22. Sleep to Dream

**Chapter 22**

Kristin nervously waited for Dr. LaPierre to answer. A short time later, his face came into view on the screen.

"Dr. Westphalen? Is everything alright?" Dr. LaPierre asked.

Kristin nodded. "Everything's fine. Uh, I just have to tell you some news. We've had success-we've had success over and over again. It seems you were right."

LaPierre wore a huge smile on his face at this news. "That's wonderful."

There was a slight pause. Kristin wanted to confront LaPierre about his true intentions, but she was unsure of how to go about it because there was something about LaPierre that intimidated her.

"Uh, so, what do you plan on doing with this?" Kristin asked timidly.

"Well, I will be letting Amun Massri know what we've found, like I told you."

"Is that a promise?"

"What?"

Kristin had finally had enough of Dr. LaPierre's lies. She wasn't going to stand idly by and allow him to play Russian roulette with their lives. "That's not _all_ you plan to do, is it?"

"Excuse me? Dr. Westphalen, I have no idea what you are insinuating here," LaPierre answered, trying to sound innocent although he was feeling strangely uncomfortable.

"That's what I thought you'd say. But here's the thing-I don't believe you. You see, a little bird told me that you have a very fond liking for money...so fond that you've put the lives of your scientists at risk. In fact, you are the reason they died, aren't you?" Kristin said with a new found confidence.

LaPierre countered, "I'm sorry, Doctor, but I don't know where you're getting your information."

Kristin had enough. The anger flashed in her eyes as she yelled,"How in the world can you say that? Tell me, are you planning to cause our death, too? I can assure you that I will _not _allow it."

"Doctor, please calm down. I can assure you that I am concerned only for your safety, and I would never put my scientists in harm's way," LaPierre said, denying Kristin's allegations.

Kristin's eyes narrowed as she said, "Hmmm...well, I'm calling your bluff because we'll be ready."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Doctor," LaPierre said as he cut the link.

Kristin was absolutely furious that LaPierre would act so apathetic concerning the deaths of the other scientists. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock at her door.

"Come in," Kristin said, although she did not sound very friendly, although she did try.

"Um, I-I'm sorry to bother you, but I heard yelling. I just wanted to make sure everything was OK?" Carly said, a little unsure of how Kristin would react.

Kristin softened at the words of her friend. "I'm sorry; the anger wasn't meant to be directed at you."

"Did you want to talk about it?" Carly asked. "I'm a great listener," she said with a smile.

Kristin thought for a moment. She didn't want to alarm anyone about the potential danger, but talking about it might help her keep her sanity. After making her decision, she nodded and motioned for Carly to take a seat in front of her desk.

"So what has you so angry?" Carly asked as she closed the door behind her and sat down.

"It's kind of a long story, and, if I tell you, you have to promise me you won't say anything," Kristin said very seriously.

Kristin's seriousness was a bit concerning for Carly, but she said, "Of course. What's going on?"

Kristin took a deep breath and told Carly everything she knew.

"Wow," Carly said when Kristin was finished. "So, _that's_ why you've been so aloof lately."

"I-I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I had to do what I thought was best for everyone here. And, I felt it best not to alarm everyone."

Carly nodded with understanding. "No, I think you've done the right thing. There's no need to apologize."

The two women were silent for a moment. "So, these could be our last hours?" Carly said, her voice thick as she was close to tears as the realization of the news sunk in.

Kristin stood up and walked around her desk to hug her friend. "No," Kristin assured her, "I will _not_ let that happen, do you hear me? Don't cry," she soothed.

Carly pulled back to look at Kristin. "Pardon me for doubting you, but what can _you_ do?" she asked through her tears.

Kristin handed Carly a box of tissues as she said, "We have our own personal bodyguards."

Carly looked confused. Kristin explained, "Well, you know I have connections on the seaQuest. Believe me, I was as upset as you are right now when I first found out, but then, I realized that you and all the other scientists depend on me. I had to do something, so I made a phone call to a...dear friend."

"Was that 'friend' Captain Bridger?" Carly said suggestively.

Kristin chuckled. "There's the Carly I know...and yes," she said with the goofy grin she got when she spoke about him.

"And there's the Cheshire cat grin _I_ know," Carly said with a smile. "So what's the plan?"

"The seaQuest is headed towards us as we speak...well near us anyway. If there is any trouble, all we need to do is put out a distress call, and the seaQuest will come to our rescue. Now, does that make you feel better/" Kristin asked.

Carly nodded. "Yes, a little."

"Good," Kristin said with a smile, pleased that she was able to calm her friend's fears.

"Um, I-I guess I should go," Carly said as she started towards the door.

"Um, wait," Kristin said, causing Carly to turn around. "You don't need to leave. I mean, I could use some company if you want."

"You're feeling apprehensive, aren't you?" Carly asked.

Kristin nodded. "I want to believe that everything will be fine, but I'm still scared. I suppose that doesn't make you feel any better."

Now it was Carly's turn to comfort Kristin as she placed an arm around her friend's shoulders. "You know, you don't always have to appear strong for the rest of us. You have the right to be upset and frightened too."

Kristin nodded at her words. "I know. It's just that I know what it's like to depend on someone and have him let you down. I don't want to be that person for my scientists."

"You haven't let us down. And, there is something else I can tell you. I saw how Nathan Bridger looked when he spoke about you-the look in his eyes. I know he won't let you down."

Tears stung Kristin's eyes with these words; she wanted to believe Nathan wouldn't let her down once again, but she still had some doubts. However, the fact that her friend could see it in a short conversation with him helped her to believe it.

Carly noticed her friends' eyes had become glassy, so she grabbed the box of tissues and handed them to her. Kristin laughed through her tears and accepted the tissues graciously and dried her eyes.

"Everything's going to be alright," Carly assured her.

Kristin nodded. She was about to speak but was suddenly interrupted by the sound of gunshots and screams. She instinctively pushed her friend to the floor to protect her.


	23. Miles to Go Before I Sleep

**Chapter 23**

Kristin and Carly stayed perfectly still and quiet, or at least they tried as they listened to the commotion, trying to determine if their colleagues were alive or not. They heard male voices ordering the other scientists not to move.

Carly was the first with enough courage to speak. "Kristin," she whispered, her voice barely audible, "what about the distress call?"

Kristin knew Carly was right, but she was too afraid to move at the moment, at least until she could be assured that the other scientists were alive. One wrong move from either of them, and the intruders may come in and shoot them both, no questions asked. Kristin wasn't going to let that happen. "Not yet," she whispered so low so that only Carly could hear.

"Are you crazy?" Carly asked, a little louder than she had intended. As soon as she finished, she wished she'd never spoken so loudly because she knew the result because just a few seconds later, they heard the door open. As the heavy footfalls came closer and closer to where they were lying on the floor, Carly felt as though her heart was going to explode because it was beating so loudly. The intruder knelt down next to her. Too afraid to look at the face, Carly just hoped that he'd leave them alone. She could hear him breathing hard, feel is hot breath on the back of her neck. He took his gun and pressed it to the back of her head, causing her to cry out in fear.

"Well, well, well," the man said in an with an Arabic accent. "What do we have here? Two little mice thought they could hide from the cat, hmmm?"

"P-please don't hurt us," Kristin said meekly, as she was just as terrified as Carly.

The large man removed his gun from Carly's head and proceeded to grab each of them by the arm and pick them up off the floor, and he wasn't gentle about it either. "Don't worry; I won't hurt you-much." And he shoved the two women into the main lab with the other frightened scientists. To their relief, no one had been injuring, learning that the gunshots had only been fired as a warning. There were five other large men, all carrying guns.

One of them motioned towards Kristin and Carly with his gun. "You two, over here." He indicated a space on the floor next to a very frightened Hannah and Joshua Levin. Kristin and Carly obeyed without argument.

Hannah was relieved that her friends were safe. As Kristin and Carly sat next to her, she took one of their hands in each of her own and squeezed tightly.

Kristin was grateful for the comfort, but she wasn't able to put out the distress call. How in the world was she going to alert the seaQuest?

But, these thoughts were interrupted by one of the men. "You there," the man pointed towards William Turner, "Come here and get your boss on the vid-screen. We need to speak with him."

Dr. Turner did as he was told. A few moments later, Dr. LaPierre came into view of the screen.

"Heru," Dr. LaPierre addressed the man, "what is the meaning of this?"

"My orders come from Amun; I'm sure you know that by now. You have cheated him for the last time, he says. And, until you deliver what you've promised, we will be assassinating one of your scientists execution style every hour until you do," the man explained.

Kristin swallowed hard at these words. Much to her dismay, Dr. LaPierre answered, "You can do what you like with my scientists. I wash my hands of them. Amun won't get anything until I get my money. That is final." With that he cut the link.

"E-excuse me, Sir, but perhaps I could be of assistance?" she said timidly. "I mean, money really isn't of much importance to _us_ right now."

The man called Heru laughed heartily. "How can _you_ be of assistance?"

"Well, what exactly does Amun Massri want with the cold fusion experiments...what are his plans?"

"It isn't the cold fusion he's interested in; it's the result," another man said.

"What?" Kristin asked at first. But then she realized what they meant. "You mean he wants the tritium?" Kristin knew that cold fusion could be used to create tritium, the key ingredient in hydrogen bombs.

Heru nodded. "You're saying you're willing to help us?"

Kristin thought for a moment. Of course, she had no intentions of allowing anyone access to learning how to make the key ingredient in hydrogen bombs. However, if she could convince them she _would_ help, perhaps she could get to the control panel and be able to put out a distress call, if even a small one. Any little bit would alert the seaQuest. She weighed the pros and cons of her plan, and after a few moments, she decided it certainly was worth a try. It certainly couldn't get any worse, could it? "I'd like to make a wager with you. If I agree to help you and show you how the experiment works, you let my friends live," she said.

"Alright," Heru agreed. "But if you try anything funny, you will watch every one of them die a slow and painful death before we kill you, understood?"

Kristin turned to look at Carly and Hannah who were quite horrified at Kristin's suggestion of helping them, but she gave them a wink to indicate that she had a plan. She turned back to Heru. "Agreed," she said. "Um, I'm going to need a little help. Can I choose some partners?"

"Do what you have to," Heru answered.

Kristin nonchalantly walked over to Hannah and Carly and held out a hand to each one of them to help them up. "Trust me," she whispered. Then she added, "Follow my lead."

Carly and Hannah exchanged confused glances, but did as Kristin said. They knew their friend wouldn't intentionally put them in harm's way. They walked over to the reactor they'd created and began to help Kristin set it up. Kristin looked around the room and realized that all the captors' eyes were on her, watching her every move. It wasn't going to be easy to distract them. But, then another thought came to her. Of course, these men knew nothing about the experiment. She wasn't hoping she could fool them.

After the experiment was ready to begin, she walked over to the control panel and pushed a few buttons, pretending it was necessary for the experiment, when in actuality, she was putting out an SOS call to seaQuest.

"What exactly are you doing?" Heru asked her. Kristin froze for a moment, worried she'd been discovered. She tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke. "I had to put in a security code for the experiment to start," she answered, hoping the pitiful lie would be believed.

To Kristin's delight, the men seemed to accept this answer. Kristin never thought she would be so happy to know that there were still dim-witted people in the world. She used to think it a travesty, but just then, she was very thankful for the sad fact. She whispered a silent prayer and hoped that Nathan would be there soon.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Lieutenant Tim O'Neill alerted Captain Bridger, "Captain, I'm getting a signal here, an SOS."

Bridger turned in O'Neill's direction. "Where is it from?"

"The Manifest," O'Neill said simply.

Nathan sighed. They were still a few hundred miles away. "Increase speed to one hundred twenty knots," Nathan ordered.

"Aye, Sir," came Henderson's reply.

Nathan just hoped they would get to the Manifest on time before anything horrible happened.


	24. Soon I'm Coming

**Chapter 24**

As Kristin, Carly, and Hannah finished setting up the experiment and it began to react, Kristin waited with baited breath for Nathan and the rest of the seaQuest crew to come bursting through the doors to come to her rescue. But, there was no Nathan.

"God, Nathan," she thought, "where are you?"

Suddenly, her attention was drawn back to the task at hand when Heru asked, "Is something supposed to happen?"

"What?" Kristin asked, not sure what had happened.

Carly whispered, "It's not working."

"Is this a joke?" Heru asked. "I told you not to try anything funny," he said as he raised his gun once again.

"No, please," Kristin pleaded. "I wasn't trying anything funny. Um, just let us try again."

"Very well," Heru said. "But if it doesn't work _this_ time, your little friend here," he held his gun towards Hannah's head, causing her to cry out, gets it. And that's a promise."

"I-I promise it will work this time," Kristin stammered, truly hoping it _would _work and not understanding what could have gone wrong. "Please hurry, Nathan!" she thought. Then she summoned Dr. Turner over to them. She asked him. "Can you tell what we're doing wrong?"

Dr. Turner scrutinized the situation and made a few adjustments. Then he said, "Try it now."

As Kristin and Carly worked to reset the experiment, Heru kept his gun pointed at Hannah's head. They started the reactor once again and waited in suspenseful anticipation to see if it would be successful. Kristin held her breath as the reactor whirred and hummed and the water bath bubbled. But, unfortunately, the reactor sputtered and all went quiet. Kristin looked on at Heru in horror. His finger began tightening on the trigger when suddenly, as if Nathan could have sensed what was happening at that moment, he and the rest of the seaQuest senior crew, came rushing into the Manifest.

Ford noticed what was happening right away, taking an expert shot at Heru's hand, causing him to drop the gun, leaving Hannah safe, although frightened. Kristin rushed to her side and grabbed her hand and that of Carly's and pulled them safely off to the side so the seaQuest crew could apprehend the intruders.

After what seemed like a long time of gunfire and struggling with one another, the men _were _finally apprehended.

Kristin heard a feminine voice ask, "Is anyone hurt?" She decided that it must be the voice of Dr. Smith, the CMO that had taken her place. Then she heard Nathan's voice call her name. "Kristin?"

She stood up from where she had been hiding, and her eyes locked with Nathan's.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

As Kristin stood there looking into Nathan's eyes, she wanted to run to him, run into his arms. But, the rest of his crew and hers were all standing there watching. She felt she ought to remain professional, so she refrained from doing so. Nathan walked over to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, gently placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Y-yes, I'm fine," she answered quietly. "Thank you."

Nathan wanted to pull her into his arms, but he didn't know if she wanted him to do so. He searched her eyes from sort of sign, but she refused to meet his gaze. Nathan placed his hand under her chin and gently pushed her chin up so that she would look at him. When she did, he saw her eyes were filled with tears.

"Hey, it's alright," he said. "Everything's fine now." He rubbed her trembling shoulders beneath his hands, but still resisted pulling her into a hug, unsure of how she would react.

Kristin wiped her eyes and said, "Thank you." Then she shrugged out of his grip and said, "I'm fine now. Um, I suppose you need to be going now." She turned away to see how the other scientists were doing.

"Wait just a minute," Nathan said, raising his voice slightly. "I'm not leaving without you."

"Excuse me?" Kristin asked.

"You heard me," he said grabbing her hand. "You're coming back to seaQuest with me."

Now, there was a part of Kristin that wanted this with every fiber of her being, but there was another part of her that wasn't going to let anyone tell her what she was and was not going to do. And, there was still another part of her that told her that she couldn't trust Nathan completely yet. And, Kristin Westphalen was a very stubborn woman. She pulled her hand away from his and said_, _"_I_ am not going anywhere. I have a responsibility to these scientists, and I am not just going to leave-"

"You mean to tell me you'd rather stay working here for that...that..._criminal_ than come back to the seaQuest?" Nathan yelled even louder. By this time, everyone stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the two.

"I am saying that Kristin Westphalen is an _independent _woman who will do what she likes. I am not going to let any man, _any man_ tell me what to do and how to do it!" Kristin yelled back.

"I never said you couldn't be independent. I just want to be sure that you're safe!" Nathan grabbed her hand again and pulled her towards the door.

Kristin pulled back again. "You are not going to tell me what to do! I am not part of your crew anymore!"

"You may not be part of my crew, but I can sure as damn well tell you want to do if it's going to keep you safe!" He grabbed her hand again and pulled her towards him.

As the rest of the crew were watching the two quarrel, no one noticed that Heru was still alive. He slowly took his gun out and fired a shot towards Kristin and Nathan. Ford and Ortiz rushed to apprehend him and get the gun out of his hands.

Kristin hadn't realized what happened at first. She just felt an unbearable pain in her abdomen which caused her to look down at her stomach. She could see blood stain her shirt. "N-nathan," she said weakly as tears of pain stung her eyes.

"Oh my God!" Nathan cried, holding Kristin up as she started to collapse. "S-stay with me Kristin."

"N-nathan, I'm sorry," Kristin said, feeling woozy. She was beginning to lose consciousness as Wendy and Dr. Levin rushed to her side to see if they could help.

"I-I-m sorry, Captain, but you have to let her go. We need some space to work if we're going to save her," Wendy said.

Piccolo and Henderson helped Wendy pull Nathan away from Kristin. "No," Nathan yelled like a wounded animal. "Kristin, don't leave me," he cried.

Kristin tried to fight the darkness that threatened to wash over her. "N-nathan, I'll always love you," she said. Then everything went black as she passed out.

"We have to get her back to seaQuest. She's losing too much blood," Wendy called out.

And with that, everyone headed to the launch. Nathan had no idea how he was able to stand up. Someone helped him, but he had no idea who it was. All he could think about was Kristin, and he hoped that he hadn't lost her once again.


	25. Never Gonna Be Alone

**Chapter 25**

In the launch, Nathan tried to get near Kristin, but Doctors Smith and Levin wouldn't have it. They asked for as much room as possible as they worked, using the little medical equipment available in the launch until they returned to the seaQuest. All Nathan could do was watch helplessly, noticing that Kristin's face had gone from the lovely tawny color to ashen grey due to the loss of blood; this fact scared him.

Wendy must have either noticed the look on his face or sensed his feelings because she took her attention away from Kristin for a brief moment, and said, "She _is_ breathing, Captain, although it is shallow. And her heartbeat is faint, but there for the moment." She hoped that this would console him a bit, at least give him hope that Kristin might be alright. From the medical standpoint, Wendy knew Kristin's chances of survival. Of course, it would obviously depend on whether or not the bullet entered any major organs. If that _did_ happen, Kristin wouldn't be with them much longer. But, if it did not, her survival was definitely possible. They would just have to monitor her for infection, something that is very likely and would ultimately cause death if not watched.

A few brief moments later, the launch arrived back at the seaQuest, and Levin and Smith worked quickly to rush Kristin to medbay. Another launch was sent for the other scientists at the Manifest; under the circumstances, neither of them wanted to stay there. They would be sent where they needed from the seaQuest. All the scientists were extremely concerned about Kristin's condition, especially Hannah and Carly. When their launch arrived, they were greeted by Lucas. Lucas hadn't gone to the Manifest himself; although he was an adult, Nathan still felt the need to protect him. Nathan felt the mission was too dangerous for him, so he chose to have him stay behind.

When Nathan and the rest of the crew arrived, Lucas was willing to help in any way that he could. Under the circumstances, Nathan asked Commander Ford to take over for the moment, so he asked Lucas to greet the visiting scientists and show them to the guest quarters. So, Lucas did just that.

Carly recognized the young man from Kristin's descriptions of him in their conversations. Carly and Hannah were assigned a room together. They were the last to be shown to a room. As they entered the room, Lucas said, "And these are your quarters," he said to Carly and Hannah. "Now if there's anything else you need, please ask. Um, well, I guess that's all. I'll just be-"

"Um, can we see her?" Carly asked, knowing that the answer would most likely be 'no', at least for the time being.

Lucas sighed. He was equally worried, but didn't let on. He noticed how upset the captain had been, so he was trying to remain strong. Besides, he was going to have to contact Kristin's daughters yet, and he was dreading doing so. The truth was, he had no idea what was happening in med-bay at the moment, and no one probably would besides Wendy and the other medical staff for a while. "I really don't think anyone will be able to see her until later. As soon as I hear anything, I will let you know."

Carly nodded, almost in tears. She glanced at Hannah, who looked just as worried.

Lucas said, "I'll see you later."

"Thank you," Hannah and Carly both answered quietly. After Lucas left, they both tried to console each others' fears and concerns about the condition of their friend.

Meanwhile, Nathan paced outside of med-bay. He knew that as soon as she got the chance, Wendy would let him know how Kristin's condition was. He hoped that he would see her once again, and, although he didn't pray very often, he made a silent plea to a God that he didn't always believe was there. He did, however, want to believe that it this moment, that there was a higher power of some sort listening. He made so many promises, vowing that if Kristin lived, that he would never hold anything back with her again.

After what seemed like hours, Wendy finally came out to find Nathan. He was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands. She approached him gently.

"Captain?"

Nathan jumped at Wendy's voice, but he was grateful to know how Kristin was.

"I-I didn't mean to startle you," she said quietly, "but I know you've been waiting."

Nathan nodded. "How is she?" he asked, standing up.

Wendy sighed. "She's stable for now. The bullet entered her diaphragm on her right side, which isn't the most serious injury. However, it explains her shallow breathing. She did lose a lot of blood, causing her to go into shock. We gave her laproscopic surgery and a blood transfusion. We are going to have to monitor her very closely for infection, which is a common risk with these type of injuries. However, as long as there are no more surprises, I don't see any reason why she won't survive."

"Is she awake? Can I see her?" Nathan asked eagerly.

"She's not going to wake up anytime today, maybe not even tomorrow. Her body's been through a lot, and the more sleep she can get the better. However, you can go see her for a while," Wendy said.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Nathan entered the recovery room quietly. The lights were turned down low, and Kristin was hooked up to so many machines and monitors that it was a bit overwhelming. She looked so small and fragile. Nathan sat down next to the bed and gently took her hand in his. He squeezed it gently and gave it a kiss.

As he held her hand, he said, "Sweetheart, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm right here. I know I haven't been in the past, but I promise you that I will always be there for you from now on." His voice began to falter as tears stung his eyes, but he continued to speak. "I've known from the first moment we met, that first night, that we were meant to be together, that we connected. I don't think that was an accident, and you know that."

Nathan hoped that by some small miracle that Kristin's eyes would flutter open and she would smile when she saw him. But, of course, that didn't happen. Instead, she continued to lay motionless, still looking pale and not knowing what was going on around her. He stayed in the room for a long time, holding her hand, and talking gently to her.

Soon, there was a knock at the door. "I'm sorry, Captain," said Wendy, "but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I need to check her vitals."

Nathan nodded. "Can you give me a second?"

Wendy nodded and left him alone.

Nathan stood up and leaned over Kristin and kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered, "I love you, Sweetheart. I'll see you soon." Then, he left, leaving Wendy to examine Kristin as she needed.


	26. When All Is Said and Done

**Chapter 26**

Nathan knew there was still some necessary tasks to be taken care of. Francois LaPierre still had to be stopped before more scientists died, but that was a matter Ford was handling. Nathan was grateful for that, although Ford informed him that no one could find LaPierre at the moment; Nathan told him and the senior crew to keep trying because he had other matters to attend to, and Nathan was dreading it: he had to contact Cynthia and Jasmine. Nathan knew the two women were angry with him, but he was hoping they may be able to forgive him.

Nathan received a knock on his cabin door. It was Lucas.

"Uh, did you want to call them or should I?" Lucas asked. He had intended to call Jasmine anyway-they _were_ dating, but he also knew how Jasmine felt about Nathan. Cynthia may be more accepting of a call from Nathan.

Nathan thought for a moment. "What do you think?" he asked.

"I think you should let me speak to Jasmine first, but Cynthia might talk to you," Lucas said.

Nathan nodded. "Alright, I'll call Cynthia, and you call Jasmine. Make sure you tell her we'll send a launch to bring her to see Kristin."

"I will," Lucas said. "Um, I guess I better go."

"Right. Uh, Lucas?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Lucas, however, wasn't looking forward to calling Jasmine. He knew she was going to be upset, obviously. And, he knew from their conversations that Kristin hadn't told her any of the dangers of working at the Manifest; she had told Lucas that she was going to do so and asked him not to say anything. He did just that, but he knew Jasmine wasn't going to take any of it lightly. But, he swallowed his pride, and dialed her number.

"Hi," Lucas said when she answered.

"This is a surprise. I was the one who was supposed to call you next," she said. Normally the two did switch off, taking turns calling one another.

"Yeah, I know, but I have to talk to you," Lucas said.

"Uh oh," Jasmine said. "This sounds serious."

Lucas nodded. "You'd better sit down," he said gently.

"Lucas?" Jasmine asked with worry and confusion. She didn't like the way he was acting and knew that whatever he was going to tell her, it was going to be bad.

"Um, this isn't easy for me to say. But, I guess I should start at the beginning. For the past several months, your mother has been working on some controversial research...some _dangerous_ research," Lucas began. "She'd been telling me about it. I-I wanted to tell you, but she told me not to. She said she was going to tell you."

Jasmine could feel tears sting her eyes; she was anticipating some horrible news about her mother, judging from the way Lucas spoke. "What happened," she asked quietly.

"The Manifest was attacked," Lucas said gently, almost in tears himself. He loved Kristin as well, and the situation hadn't really sunk in yet until now. "S-she was shot; she's in our medbay right now. We'll send a launch for you so you can come here."

Jasmine sobbed silently. Lucas felt helpless because he couldn't physically comfort her. All he could do was try to console her with words. "She's doing better," he added.

"Is she going to be alright?" Jasmine asked through her tears.

"Dr. Smith thinks she will be, " Lucas said.

This seemed to help Jasmine calm down a bit. "When can the launch be here?"

"This afternoon," Lucas answered. "The Captain is calling your sister as we speak."

"I should have known _he_ had something to do with this," Jasmine muttered as she wiped her eyes.

"Jasmine, that's not fair. He saved your mother, you know," Lucas said in Nathan's defence.

"Lucas, that doesn't change what he's done in the past."

"Are you going to keep blaming him?" Lucas asked. "You know, there's a lot you _don't_ know."

"Like what?" Jasmine asked.

"Like, that they're still friends."

"She never told me that," Jasmine admitted. "I guess there's a lot she hasn't told me," she added quietly.

"She's just trying to protect you."

"That might be, but she and I need to have a long talk," Jasmine said.

"I'm sure she'd like that," Lucas said. "I'll see you later?"

Jasmine nodded as she cut the link. She wasn't particularly fond of seeing Nathan, but perhaps she'd been too hard on him.

_"Standing calmly at the crossroads_

_No desire to run_

_There's no hurry anymore_

_When all is said and done"_

_~ABBA_

Later that afternoon, Jasmine arrived at the seaQuest. Lucas was waiting to greet her; he hugged her gently.

"How is she?" she asked.

"I don't really know; I haven't seen her. I don't think she's awake yet. Cynthia's on her way as well. She won't be here for until tomorrow though. She had to take care of some things at the orphanage before she could leave," Lucas explained.

Jasmine nodded. "Yes, I know. She called me before I left."

"Oh, well, let me show you to your room. You and Cyn will be sharing a room together, if that's alright. We have a lot of guests at the moment. All the scientists that worked at the Manifest are here as well." He and Jasmine began walking to the guest quarters.

"Oh? Perhaps I'll get to meet some of them then. Um, after this, you'll take me to see her, right?"

"Of course," Lucas said as they arrived at the corridor leading to the guest quarters. They practically bumped into Carly and Hannah, who were walking in the opposite direction. However, the two immediately recognized the young woman.

"Jasmine?" Carly asked.

Jasmine was confused but nodded. "Yes," she said.

"Sorry," Carly said, "I'm Carly Harris, and this is Hannah Jenkins. We're friends of your mother. She's told us _all_ about you and your sister. I want you to know she's a wonderful woman." She extended her hand.

"Nice to meet you," Jasmine said. "And, thank you."

"You're quite welcome. I guess we'll see you around?" Hannah asked.

"Sure," Jasmine said as the two continued on their way to the guest rooms.

After Lucas showed her to her room and she put her bag away, Lucas asked, "Are you ready?"

Jasmine drew in a deep breath and nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be." But she could feel herself trembling with the fear of seeing her mother in a hospital bed once again. She hugged herself to try and calm her emotions as they walked to medbay.

Jasmine had been wondering why she hadn't seen a glimpse of Nathan yet. Although she was still angry with him, she knew that eventually, they would have to confront one another. As they entered medbay, Lucas saw Wendy. He waved to her and motioned for her to come over to the pair. "Dr. Smith, this is Jasmine Nelson, Dr. Westphalen's daughter."

Wendy held her hand out to the young woman. "Nice to meet you. I suppose you're wondering about your mother."

Jasmine nodded, a bit overwhelmed by the situation and not really in the mood to talk. Wendy sensed this and placed an arm around her shoulders. "I want you to know that your mother received a single gunshot wound to her diaphragm. However, we've given her surgery. So far, she's doing well, and we expect her to continue doing well. Providing that we can monitor her very closely, there is no reason not to expect a full recovery." Wendy gave her a reassuring smile.

Jasmine gave her a small smile back. "Thank you, Doctor," she managed to say, although she was close to tears.

Wendy said, "Lucas, I'll handle it from here."

Lucas nodded. Dr. Smith wasn't allowing many people to see Kristin yet, and Lucas respected that. Besides, he really didn't need to see Kristin that way. He wanted to remember her the way she was, and had no desire to see her until she was awake and coherent. "I'll see you later?" he said to Jasmine, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

Jasmine nodded as Lucas left medbay.

Wendy led Jasmine to her mother's room. To her surprise, Nathan was there, sitting in a chair next to Kristin's bed. "You?" she said in surprise. "What are _you_ doing here?" Jasmine had told herself she was going to give Nathan a chance, but seeing him drudged up supressed anger that she could not hide.

Nathan stood up. "Please, Jasmine, let's not fight right now." He motioned towards the sleeping form in the bed. "Let's concentrate on what's really important."

Jasmine felt tears fall as she saw her mother. She said nothing, but Nathan came over to her and placed an arm around her shoulders. Jasmine looked away from him, but didn't pull away from him either. "We can talk later, if you want."

Jasmine nodded. "Good, because it's not over, not by a long shot," she said through her tears. Wendy and Nathan left her to be alone with her mother.


	27. No More Walls

**Chapter 27**

Jasmine stayed with Kristin for a long time. Finally, Wendy went to check on her. She had to check Kristin's vitals anyway. She knocked gently on the door frame.

Jasmine turned her head towards the door. She was grateful to see Wendy because she had some questions. "When will she wake up?" she asked.

Wendy walked over towards her. "It's hard to say. I know it doesn't look like it's good, but it really is a good thing that she is asleep. Her body needs the rest, and, believe me, the more rest she gets, the better."

Jasmine nodded with understanding. It made sense. There was a moment of silence, silence in which Jasmine did a lot of thinking. Being a telepath, Wendy couldn't help but feel what Jasmine was feeling.

"You want to know if I was with your mother when she was shot," Wendy said.

Jasmine looked at Wendy, surprised that she knew what she was thinking. "Yes, but how did you...?"

"I'm sorry; I thought Lucas told you. I'm a telepath, an empath to be precise. I feel what others are feeling. I didn't pry into your mind; you reached out to me, whether you meant to or not," Wendy explained gently. "I hope you're not angry."

Jasmine shook her head. "No, I'm not. Actually, I'm grateful for it. I'm glad someone can understand how I feel. Were you there?"

Wendy nodded. "Yes, I was. And, I want you to know the Captain did everything he could to protect your mother."

Jasmine said nothing as Wendy continued. "You really need to forgive him; your mother has."

"She _told_ you that?" Jasmine asked.

"Not with her words, but I could feel it," Wendy explained. "Don't hold a grudge; it isn't yours to hold."

Jasmine nodded. "It's going to take some time," she said quietly.

"Just remember that time is precious." Wendy motioned towards Kristin to emphasize her point.

"I understand," Jasmine said.

Wendy smiled gently at Kristin's daughter. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but I need to examine your mother. Do you mind leaving for a while? You can come back later if you'd like."

"It's not a problem," Jasmine said.

"Do you know your way out?" Wendy asked. "Would you like me to call Lucas for you?"

"Will I get in trouble if I wander about a bit?" Jasmine asked.

Wendy chuckled softly. "No."

"Then, I can show myself out if you don't mind. I have other matters to attend to."

Wendy nodded with understanding as Jasmine left the room.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

Jasmine found herself wandering the corridors. Although she had been on the seaQuest before, she did not know the layout of the new boat. She was headed to Nathan's room, and was hoping it would be in the same spot as on the first seaQuest. However, she soon found herself lost. However, she saw an ensign and approached him.

"Excuse me, Sir, but could you tell me where Captain Bridger's quarters are?"

"Is he expecting you?" the ensign asked.

Fortunately, Nathan's room was just around the corner, and he had overheard the conversation.

"It's alright, Ensign Jones," Nathan said as he came around the corner. "She's cleared." He smiled gently at her. "Right this way."

Jasmine followed him, unsure of how to begin. She had intended to yell at him, to make him feel as awful as he'd made Kristin feel. However, the conversation with Wendy, and the look on Nathan's face melted her heart. And if it were true that Kristin forgave him, perhaps she ought to as well.

Nathan closed the door behind them as they entered his quarters. She turned to him. "I guess I need to thank you," she began.

"For what?" Nathan asked, surprised. He had expected to be yelled at; he knew Jasmine was angry with him.

"For saving her. Lucas and Dr. Smith told me what you did. If it hadn't been for you, all the scientists could have died."

"I would have done it whether it was Kristin or not. I hope you know that."

Jasmine nodded. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence.

"Look, Jasmine, I-I am sorry. I know I made a horrible mistake walking out on your mother. I know I hurt her. Believe me, no one knows that better than I do. But, I'm hoping you can forgive me." Then he added softly, "I hope _she_ can forgive me."

The pained look on Nathan's face touched Jasmine's heart. She walked over to him and took his hand in hers. "I think she already has," Jasmine said, "and so have I." Tears stung her eyes as she spoke. "I am not going to lie to you. I was very angry with you; I still am a little. But I believe you are showing me how sorry you are."

Nathan wrapped her in a tight hug. "I won't let you down again. I won't let her down again."

Jasmine sobbed into his shoulder, purging anymore anger and sadness she had bottled up inside of her. Nathan felt tears flow down his cheeks as well.

After a short time, the tears quieted. "Feel better now?"

Jasmine nodded. "Thank you."

"Anytime, Sweetie, anytime," Nathan said.

"I love you, Uncle Nathan."

"I love you too, Jasmine."


	28. I Will

**Chapter 28**

The rest of the evening was uneventful; Nathan stopped in to check on Kristin before retiring for the evening. He had the small hope that she might be awake, that he would be greeted by her warm brown eyes and her beautiful smile, but that hope soon died when he entered the room, for Kristin was still lost in sleep. He walked over to her and gently placed his hand on her forehead to stroke her hair. She felt surprisingly warm...too warm. He was about to leave and speak to Wendy about it when he heard her behind him.

"She's developed a slight fever...it's to be expected. Don't worry; I've been monitoring it, and I've been giving her acetaminophen," Wendy assured him.

Nathan asked, "There's no sign of infection?"

"Not yet," Wendy said. Then, after a slight pause, she said, "I, uh, have some work to do in my office if you need me. I guess I'll leave you alone." With that, she began easing towards the door.

"Um, Wendy?"

"Yes," she asked, turning back towards him.

"Thank you."

Wendy nodded as she walked out of the room.

Nathan turned his attention back to Kristin as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed gently. He spoke softly to her. "Do you know how many people are waiting for you to wake up? Do you know how many people love you?" He paused as if he were waiting for her to respond. Then he said, "When you wake up, I'm going to make sure I tell you everything, make sure I let you know exactly how I feel about you. I love you, and I'm not going to lose you again."

Nathan sat with Kristin for a long time, late into the evening. Finally, Nathan felt his eyelids drooping, and he knew he could no longer stay awake. He reluctantly stood to retire to his room. He leaned over Kristin and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you, Beautiful," he whispered. "I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, he turned to leave the room. He never saw Kristin's eyelids flutter, struggling to open. She whispered, "I love you, too, Nathan." She wanted to sit up and yell that she was awake, but she didn't have the energy. She drifted back so sleep with a new found comfort that Nathan was waiting for her.

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

The next morning, Nathan awoke early. He was hoping to get to Kristin's room before she woke up. He wanted to be there when she opened her eyes, but he was stopped on his way to medbay.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Captain, but I have some news to report," Commander Ford explained. "It seems Francois LaPierre has been found dead. It was a suicide, Sir."

Nathan sighed. On one hand, he was pleased that the other scientists in the research facilities were safe, at least from the hands of Dr. LaPierre. However, on the other hand, the fact the man took his own life was nothing to be happy about. "Thank you, Commander. If you need me, you know where I'll be."

"Aye, Sir." And, with that, Jonathan headed to the bridge while Nathan headed in the opposite direction towards medbay.

When Nathan arrived at Kristin's room, he saw that Wendy was already there, along with a nurse. And, he was both surprised and relieved to see the lovely brown eyes of Kristin awake and alert, and it was a welcome sign that some of the color had returned to her cheeks. Wendy turned to him. "Captain, look who's decided to join us," she said as she motioned towards Kristin. "And she's doing quite well this morning."

"I see that," Nathan said, flashing Kristin a small smile, which she returned. "Um, I guess I'll come back later..."

"No, it's alright," Wendy said. "Libby and I were just leaving. We'll come back to check on you later," she said to Kristin.

"Thank you," Kristin said as Wendy and Libby left.

Nathan looked back at Kristin. "Hi," he said.

"Hi, yourself," she said with a smile. She tried to sit up a bit, but winced in pain.

"Easy, easy," Nathan said rushing to her side. "Let me help you." Nathan helped her move her bed into a comfortable position that did not hurt her. "Better now?"

Kristin nodded. "Yes, thank you. Sorry; I'm still getting used to this."

"Does it hurt much?" Nathan asked.

"Only when I do something I'm not supposed to," Kristin admitted.

Nathan sat down in the chair next to her bed. "Well, we'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen," he said, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle kiss. "You know, you really scared us there for a while."

Kristin nodded. "I scared myself, too." Then she added, "I'm sorry, Nathan."

"For what?" he asked, still holding her hand.

"Well, I distinctly remember arguing with you before this happened. Maybe if I would have just done what you asked, then-"

"This isn't your fault, Sweetie. You can't blame yourself."

"Well, it looks like you'll get your wish."

"Which one is that?" Nathan asked.

"Well, it looks like I won't be going home anytime soon," Kristin explained.

"Good. I like having you where I can keep an eye on you," Nathan said.

"I guess that's not such a bad thing after all," Kristin said. "Thank you for saving me."

"Anytime, Sweetheart." He squeezed her hand to emphasize his point. "Anytime."

There was a moment of silence between them. Then Nathan said, "You know, there are a lot of people waiting for you. Once word gets around you're awake, no one's going to leave you alone."

Kristin laughed softly, then winced in pain.

"It hurts to laugh, huh?" Nathan asked.

Kristin nodded. "A little." Then she asked, "Well, besides you and Lucas, who else is waiting for me?"

"Jasmine, Cynthia, and all the scientists from the Manifest."

"They're all _here_?" Kristin asked in surprise.

Nathan nodded, "All, except Cynthia; she'll be here later today."

Kristin looked worried. She hadn't told her daughters of the dangers at the Manifest, and now she had a lot of explaining to do.

"Is something wrong?" Nathan asked.

"It's just that Cynthia and Jasmine didn't know everything that was going on. I meant to tell them, but..." her voice trailed off.

"You left them in the dark to protect them?" Nathan finished.

Kristin nodded.

Nathan squeezed her hand. "Well, I think this experience has shown us that we need to be honest with the ones we love no matter what."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," Kristin said.

"And because of this, I have a lot I need to say to you, if you're willing to listen."

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," Kristin said.

And, Nathan proceeded to open his heart to her, holding nothing back. He told her how sorry he was and how much he still loved her. "Now," he asked her. "Do you still love me?"


	29. I Surrender

**Chapter 29**

Kristin was about to tell him that she loved him back, that she never stopped loving him. "Oh, Nathan, I-"

But, her thoughts were cut short as Jasmine and Lucas came into the room. "Oh, Mom, you're awake," Jasmine said as she bent over to hug her mother.

Kristin tried not to look dejected as she hugged her daughter. Of course, she was happy for the reunion, but the timing couldn't have been any worse. She shot a glance at Nathan as if to say, "I'm sorry."

"Uh, I guess I'll see you later," Nathan said.

Kristin nodded. "Alright," she said, although she didn't want him to go.

"How are you feeling, Mom?" Jasmine asked, as Nathan left.

"I'm doing better than I was," Kristin replied. Then she asked, "Am I going to get a lecture?"

"What do you think?" Jasmine asked seriously. "It would have been nice to know what was going on. Perhaps if I had, then, it would not have been such a surprise. I thought we always said we weren't going to keep secrets from each other."

"We did," Kristin said. "I meant to tell you, but I-"

"And instead you told _him_?" Jasmine said, motioning towards Lucas. "And you told him not to tell _me_, his _girlfriend_. How can he and I have a relationship based on trust if you won't let that happen?"

Lucas felt very uncomfortable. "Uh, m-maybe I should leave you two alone?" He eased towards the door, but neither of the two women answered him as Kristin said,"Jasmine, I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional, and, believe me, I've learned my lesson." Lucas didn't wait for an answer; he used his judgment and left, realizing this conversation was between mother and daughter, and he didn't need to be witness to it.

"I didn't come here to yell at you, Mother. I just wish you'd be honest with me; I mean, what kind of position did you put Lucas in?"

"I suppose it wasn't fair to him. I'm sorry, Lucas," Kristin said, not realizing he'd left. "Lucas?" she said.

Jasmine laughed. "I think we scared him off."

"He probably thought it was going to be a war," Kristin said. "You'll talk to him, won't you?"

Jasmine nodded. "But, first, I want to talk with you."

"I'd like that," Kristin said with a smile. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. What would you like to talk about?"

"Well, I just wanted you to know you have my blessing."

"What?" Kristin asked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Uncle Nathan and I had a talk last night, and I've forgiven him. I think he really is sorry, and I think he has more than made up for the mistake. I mean, he _did_ save your life. So, I thought I'd let you know that you're free to do what you like and that I approve."

Kristin laughed a bit, then winced in pain. "Mom?" Jasmine asked in alarm.

"It's alright," Kristin said, holding up her hand to assure her daughter that she was fine. "It just hurts to laugh. You never were one to beat about the bush, were you?"

Jasmine shook her head. "I wonder who I get that from?" she said suggestively.

"I have no idea," Kristin said innocently. Then, after a slight pause, she said, "Thank you for your blessing."

"Do you still love him?" Jasmine asked.

Kristin nodded.

"So, what are you going to do?"

Kristin sighed. "I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I can't exactly tell Nathan to tell Dr. Smith to leave. She's a good doctor, you know."

Jasmine nodded. "Yes, she is. She and I talked a bit. She's very intuitive."

"I'm sure they could find you a job here," Jasmine said.

"Well, we'll just cross that bridge when we get there. First, I need to get better."

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

As the day went on, Kristin had scores of visitors. Cynthia arrived later that morning; Lucas came back to see her after Jasmine told him the coast was clear and there would be no arguing; all the scientists from the Manifest came to see her. Crew members that were on the first tour with Kristin came to see her as well. In fact, Kristin saw everyone that day...except Nathan. After so many visitors, Kristin was exhausted. In fact, by the time Nathan came to see her, she was sleeping peacefully. Nathan didn't have the heart to wake her.

He leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered, "Hi, Sweetheart. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner." As Nathan went to sit down in the chair, he saw Kristin's eyelids flutter open as she looked at him sleepily. "Hey," he said, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's alright," Kristin replied. "I'm glad to see you."

"Oh?" Nathan asked. "Why is that?"

"Because we need to talk," Kristin said, trying to sit up.

Nathan noticed what she was doing and said, "Let me help you."

"Thank you," Kristin said. Then she said, "I guess I need to get used to you taking care of me."

"What?" Nathan asked.

"I have an answer for you, Nathan. I love you with all my heart. I've always loved you, and I never stopped," Kristin answered, almost in tears. "I don't want to be away from you anymore."

Nathan responded by kissing her passionately on the lips. After several lingering moments, he broke the kiss. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that?"

Kristin nodded. "About as long as I've been waiting to say it," she said. "There's just one problem."

"What's that?" Nathan asked.

"Well, you can't just fire Wendy. When I'm all better, I'll have to leave, and we'll be back where we were before," Kristin said.

"I'll pull some strings," Nathan said. "Don't worry. It will all work out." And he kissed her passionately once again.


	30. Never Gonna Spend Another Night

**Chapter 30**

The next day, Nathan did as he promised. He spoke with Bill Noyce and Wendy, and he had promising news after he was finished. He couldn't wait to tell Kristin. When he arrived in her room, she already had visitors-Carly and Hannah, who hadn't left yet.

As Nathan entered, Carly whispered to her friends, "Loveboy's here." She'd only meant for Kristin to give her that Cheshire-cat smile, but Kristin started laughing, causing her to wince in pain.

"Sorry," Carly said.

"It's alright," Kristin said. "I'm used to it by now, and it's getting better," she assured her friend.

"I suppose we should leave you two alone," Hannah said.

Nathan said, "No, actually, I think you two should stay; I have an announcement to make."

Kristin, Carly, and Hannah exchanged confused glances, but were eager to hear what Nathan had done. "I've made some phone calls, and I've spoke with Dr. Smith," Nathan began, "and Wendy has agreed to step down as CMO."

"Oh, Nathan, that isn't what I wanted," Kristin said sadly, not intending to put Wendy out.

"I'm not finished yet," Nathan said. "Just listen," he urged gently. "Like I said, Wendy has agreed to step down as CMO, and work as _your_ assistant," he said to Kristin.

"Are you _sure_ she's alright with that?" Kristin asked.

Nathan knew Kristin would be questioning him on this. "I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?" Nathan said, motioning towards the door. He had Wendy waiting there because he knew Kristin was going to want to speak with her.

Kristin turned her head to see a smiling Wendy. "I'd be honored to work with you if you'll accept the position," Wendy said.

"Truly?" Kristin asked.

Wendy nodded. "Truly."

Kristin nodded. "Then I accept."

After a few moments of jubilation from all, Nathan said, "Now for the other news."

"There's more?" Kristin asked.

Nathan nodded with a smile, looking at Hannah and Carly. "This is the part that will interest you two. It seems we have openings for some extra scientists. You wouldn't happen to know anyone who's interested, would you?"

"Oh my God!" Carly exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"Oh wow!" Hannah said. "I am _very _interested!" Carly nodded in agreement.

"Then, the jobs are yours," Nathan said with a smile.

Carly said, "I need to go call my mom. See you later, Kristin."

Kristin smiled. "Of course."

Hannah added, "I need to go call Jamie. I'll talk to you later."

"Go," Kristin said, smiling at her friend.

Wendy said, "I guess I'll leave you two alone. I'll come check on you later, Kristin."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kristin said.

"Please call me Wendy," Wendy said as she turned to leave.

"Alright...Wendy," Kristin said as Wendy left. Once they were alone, she turned her attention back to Nathan. "So, tell me, Captain, what other surprises do you have up your sleeve?"

Nathan responded with a passionate kiss. Then he said, "I think I can think of a few things."

___-sQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQsQ-_

As the weeks went by, Kristin got better. Her daughters went home, reassured that Nathan was taking care of their mother and that she was safe. Hannah and Carly began working in the seaQuest labs and couldn't be happier. Although Kristin was still healing and was not yet working, she was able to be released from medbay and was in a room of her own. There was just one more hurdle to overcome. Nathan had a romantic dinner prepared for them and invited her to his room.

Kristin knocked on the door. "It's open," Nathan called.

Kristin entered wearing a lovely yellow sundress and a matching sweater. "You look beautiful," he said.

Kristin laughed, but didn't wince in pain anymore. "Thank you," she answered. She motioned to the candlelit table. "This reminds me of another dinner we had."

"Yes, well, this one won't end in disaster," Nathan said with confidence.

Kristin laughed again. "It better not."

Nathan pulled her chair out for her and motioned for her to sit down. "Thank you."

Nathan sat down in the chair across from her. "You see, there is one more thing I need to tell you."

"Oh?" Kristin said. "And what is that?"

Nathan fumbled for something in his pocket. "There is one more little problem we need to solve. You see, the UEO isn't too fond of the captain of one of it's finest boats fraternizing with it's CMO," he paused slightly as he placed the small box in front of her, "that is, of course, unless they're married...or at least engaged."

"Oh my God, Nathan!" Kristin breathed.

Nathan got on one knee in front of her and said, "So, what do you say? Will you marry me?"

Kristin threw her arms around Nathan happily and cried happy tears. "Yes," she breathed, "Oh, yes!"

And with that, Nathan kissed her passionately. Soon the two were entangled in each other's arms on the bed, leaving the dinner alone and the rest to our imaginations.

**The End**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and all the support from my readers. I greatly appreciate it. **

**This story is dedicated to my wonderful, sweet, funny friend, Miss Carl. Even though you've had some hard times lately, Sweetheart, I hope this gives you hope that your happy end is coming. Please check out her youtube video supplementing this story: watch?v=QlMI2pb8Xsw&feature=fvsr**

**And, to let all you know, another story is coming soon; don't worry. Thanks for reading. Please feel free to leave a comment.**


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